Staying Motivated Part Three: Vanquishing Vampires & Ducking Demons

You're trying to make something important happen in your life. It could be big, or small, but getting motivated towards it is a challenge. There are three ways to get motivated and stay that way that I've been investigating in this blog. First, we looked at how to create a magnetic future that draws you to your goals and then we investigated what to do to get yourself moving. One more piece of the staying motivated jigsaw puzzle is left: the Vampires and Demons.

Don't worry, you haven't stumbled into another teenage vampire movie. Your inner demons (otherwise known as mood vampires, saboteurs or gremlins) are the voices inside your head that hold you back from achieving what you're really capable of. It's part of the inner dialogue that shapes your ability to stay motivated from moment to moment.

These are the sneaky voices that shoot us down when we're on the verge of success, that tell us we're not good enough and that encourage us not to bother because "What's the point?"

Imagine you've just started up a new business baking cakes. Your inner dialogue might go something like this:

9:05am: Wow, I'm so excited, this is a great new project. I love making cakes and I can't believe I'm running my own business, this is fantastic.
9:15am: This is going so well, I have a new client, I'm loving every minute! I want to do this forever!
9:34am: Oh, wait, I'm not sure this cake's as good as the one I made in training.
9:35am: No, no, no, it's no good, they won't like this at all.
9:36am: For goodness sake, you're useless, can't you even do a simple cake?
9:39am: Oh brilliant, and now you've made it even worse. What were you thinking? You're stupid.
9:40am: You're screwing this up, just like everything else.
9:44am: How can you expect to make this into a business if you can't do one simple thing?
9:45am: You're a useless salesperson, you can't network with people and now you can't even bake a cake. Brilliant.
9:46am: What was I thinking? I wonder if they'll take me back at work.
10:00am: I told you you couldn't do it

Your inner demon is the part of your inner world where doubt, fear, criticism and vulnerability live. The inner demon demands that you stop, go back, or hide in your comfort zone, rather than risking success.

You can notice the inner demon is working overtime when:
- Your energy towards a project slumps - "Oh, wait, I'm not sure this cake's as good as the one I made in training."
- You ignore all the positives and focus on the negatives- "No, no, no, it's no good, they won't like this at all."
- You treat yourself and the situation too seriously - "For goodness sake, you're useless, can't you even do a simple cake?"
- You relate the current situation to all the other times you've gone wrong - "You're screwing this up, just like everything else."
- You make up rules about your behaviour based on this instance - "How can you expect to make this into a business if you can't do one simple thing?"
- And finally, you end up stopping, or restricting your activity - "I told you you couldn't do it"

The same pattern can hold true for any number of situations. But once you've noticed those demons and vampires, how do you battle them so that you can get on with what you were trying to do?

1) Check the logic of the inner demon

Inner demons only hold power when we know them to be true. Byron Katie has developed a highly effective method of questioning your thoughts, which applies to public speaking saboteurs. Take the saboteur’s thought – for example, “I'm a failure” – and ask yourself “Can I be 100% sure this is true?” The answer can be either yes, or no. Unless you can prove to yourself 100% that you are not an interesting speaker (or whatever message it is that your saboteur is giving you), you will have to say “No.” In this way, you begin to discredit your saboteur because it is no longer true in all situations.

2) Find replacement thoughts

Now that this saboteur’s thought has been discredited, you’ll want to find a more accurate thought to put in its place. Try substituting “I'm a failure” with thoughts that are:

Positive: what we tell ourselves becomes true, so we may as well tell ourselves positive things. Try substituting “I'm a failure” with “I have great ideas” or “I made a wonderful cake last week for Rachel”. Find a thought that’s positive and feels authentic.

Specific for negatives and general for positives: It can be useful to admit a mistake you made to learn from it in future. But don’t generalise this negative thought to yourself as a person. Keep any negative thoughts on the present time and situation, so you can see they aren’t universal truths. Substitute, “I’m a failure” for “This time, I left the cake in the oven for a little too long”. When you use replacement thoughts that are positive, then you can use general statements about who you are as a person or speaker: “I am a good business person,” or “I am enthusiastic about making cakes”.

In your control: Base your thoughts around things that you are able to influence, rather than things that are out of your control. Your attitude towards your work is in control. The reaction of others, unforeseen circumstances and mistakes are out of your control. Try replacement thoughts such as “I will be happy with whatever I manage,” or “I will like myself whatever happens”.

3) Say ‘thanks and goodbye’ to the inner demon

Now that you have a replacement thought, you no longer need your inner demon’s advice. Yet, the inner demon will often pop up when you least expect it to offer an unhelpful message. To kick him out once and for all, keep saying 'thanks and goodbye' every time he shows up. It will take patience and time.

Further reading

See Part 1: Building a Magnetic Future

Part 2: Getting off those sticky floorboards

Video Blog: How to be more motivated

-----------

This article is a snippet of the Ginger Training & Coaching Staying Motivated programme for organisations. It's already worked well for groups of lawyers and accountants, so it will work for many more groups. Please email biscuits@go-ginger.com or call 0207 3888 645 if you think your organisation would benefit from Staying Motivated.

------------

Staying Motivated Part Two: Getting off those Sticky Floorboards

In a previous article we investigated the power of building a magnetic future in getting yourself motivated. If you know which mountain you want to climb, and can really see, taste and feel what it's like to get to the top, then you'll plough through difficulties to get there.

But what if you just can't get started? If you know where you want to go, but your magnetic future isn't pulling you anywhere. If that's so, it looks like you have a tricky case of Sticky Floorboards - you're glued to the spot, expecting to get started any second, but never quite managing it. Sir, Madam, it looks like you need to call in the experts.

Sticky floorboards are perfectly normal and can show up in any situation from 'meaning to tell that colleague how rude they're being,' to 'meaning to quit my terrible job and do something I actually like.' But, without moving, you're going to stay in exactly the same place. Let me share with you three remedies for Sticky Floorboard syndrome.
1) Put aside expectations of how you should behave.
One of the top reasons for staying stuck to your floorboards is old ideas of how you're supposed to act, think and speak. We shape so much of our lives around what other people tell is is sensible and how we think other people would like us to act. This can paralyse you from seeing different ways of doing things. These are old ideas that may have served you until now, but if you want to move towards the summit of your mountain, you will need new ways of doing things.

Ask yourself: in which parts of my life does the fear of how I should behave keep me stuck? Look for hidden beliefs you hold, like "I want people to like me" or "A secure job and a pension is more important than my immediate happiness." And when you've identified your beliefs of how you should behave, get beyond your sticky floorboards by asking yourself this critical question....

"What would I do if I didn't have to be normal?"

The answer to this question is the key to you taking ownership of your own next steps, rather than relying on the advice or opinions of others. This is about giving yourself permission to act differently.

2) Make it Delightful!
If permission to act differently isn't your problem, it could be that you're stuck because you lack the energy to get going. If climbing your mountain makes you feel a bit flat, remedy 2 is the one for you. To scale any mountain you need to feel fully pumped with energy and committed to charging forwards. This is much, much easier if the next thing you're going to do sounds delightful to you.

SARK's Wheel of Delight is a specially - built tool to help people get moving when they want to make something happen in their life. I recommend you read this article to get to grips with this simple and delightful technique: Happiness Exercise 4: The Wheel of Delight.

3) Drop Mr & Mrs Logical
If we think too much, we can 'logic' ourselves into the fear of taking a next step. Let's take a look at Imaginary Dave who's are afraid of public speaking. The more Imaginary Dave thinks about doing a talk in public, the more he sees what can go wrong. He'll forget his words, he won't be able to answer a question, he'll boring people, he'll trip up on a power cable.... the list of potential pitfalls is endless. Soon, he's investigated so many negative scenarios that failure becomes the only possible option.

What's more, Imaginary Dave thinks he's being logical throughout this process, so he convinces himself it's not possible for him to speak in public. Fact. Whereas, if he just got up and did it, he'd see that he can do it.

Dropping Mr & Mrs Logical is about stopping the thoughts that stick us to the floorboards and just get moving. Simple as that - one foot in front of the other. Because, as we all know, if you never do anything, nothing ever gets done. So... Give yourself permission to do something different, make it delightful and just do it!

Good luck!


Further Reading
See Part 1: Building a Magnetic Future
Part 3. Vanquishing Vampires and Ducking Demons
Video Blog: How to be more motivated

-----------

This article is a snippet of the Ginger Training & Coaching Staying Motivated programme for organisations. It's already worked well for groups of lawyers and accountants, so it will work for many more groups. Please email biscuits@go-ginger.com or call 0207 3888 645 if you think your organisation would benefit from Staying Motivated.

------------

Happiness Exercise 4: The Wheel of Delight

We all have those things we never get to in life - whether it's clearing out the cupboard, going to the opticians, or actually changing jobs, like you've been meaning to for 7 years. So long as you're not doing those things, there's something that feels sticky and unfinished in your life.

If you're anything 80% of the population, you're the perfect combination of a Procrastinator and a Perfectionist - which means that if you're trying to get something done the Perfectionist tells you "yes, but that's not quite good enough" and your Procrastinator tells you, "Oh well then, maybe I'll do it better later on..."

Author, muse and inspirational speaker - SARK has developed this fantastically fun tool - The "Micro-movement Wheel of Delight" to help all of us Procrastinator-Perfectionists get things done.

What's it good for?
The biggest reason why we don't get stuff done is that we don't really like the sound of doing it. As SARK puts it, it's not delightful enough. The Micro-movement Wheel of Delight is a wonderful tool for bringing enthusiasm into otherwise difficult or dull tasks.

The other reason why we don't get stuff done is because we we don't start. The Micro-movement Wheel of Delight is a perfect tool to solve this, by starting with the basic assumption that we can do anything for 5 minutes. Anything beyond that, who knows? But 5 minutes should be fine, right?

How to do it
So, let's get started. Don't worry, this will only take 5 minutes, so you can start right now.
1) Draw yourself a doughnut like circle in the middle of a page - with eight segments.

2) In the centre of the doughnut, write the thing that you would like to have happen in your life.
Rule number 1: It must be delightful.
If the thing you'd like to have happen is "Tidy my house" - it's clearly not going to happen, because you've developed a reaction to the word 'tidy' that means you see it as something negative. "Tidy my house" focuses on what you want to avoid (the stick), not on what you want to have (the carrot). Instead, why not change your house into "a beautiful palace of calm" or "a gorgeous love pad?" The sillier and the more delightful the better! How much more likely are you to succeed if you're heading towards something that makes you feel delight?
For me, "Tidy my desk" turned into "Create an Office Goodies Temple"
3) In each of the 8 segments, write a micro-movement - a small task that you can do in 5 minutes to help you towards your delightful aim.
Remember rule number 1 - It must be delightful. This is not just a to-do list exercise. Every single segment should delight you. For example, I decided one of my micro-movements needed to be to buy a new stapler. Instead of "Buy new stapler" (snore), my micro-movement became "New luxury stapler shopping adventure." (mmm... James Bond!)

4) Remember rule number 1 - It must be delightful. So, make your Wheel of Delight into whatever is delightful for you. I used colours and doodles to give mine a delightful feeling for me. If it delights you to only fill out one of the segments at a time, that's perfect. And don't think you need to achieve your delightful aim in just 8 steps - these are just the first eight steps to go for. Once you're finished with this Wheel of Delight, make your next one!

www.go-ginger.com

Happiness Exercise 3: The Appreciation Game
Happiness Exercise 2: The Not-to-do List
Happiness Exercise 1: The "I Like" Page

Video Blog: How To Be More Motivated

Made by Video Jug - Personal Development: How To Be More Motivated

This video is a quick intro to the Staying Motivated Programme from Ginger Training & Coaching. For more info, head over to: www.go-ginger.com

Staying Motivated Part One - Building a Magnetic Future

The nights are closing in and with more economic gloom looming, it's easy to find yourself sliding down the slippery slope of demotivation. "What's the point?" "Why bother?" and "Ugh, if I have to..." might be phrases you find yourself uttering from time to time. But when there are so many exciting things to do and achieve in the world, we don't want pesky demotivation to get in the way, do we? Here's the Ginger take on how to keep yourself trim, sharp and motivated.

Part 1: Build a Magnetic Future
Have you ever heard of a walker who accidentally one day stumbled to the top of Everest? Just taking a stroll and "Whoops - what a lovely view"? Me neither. Likewise, if you don't know what your own mountain peak is, the chances are you'll wander round in the foothills without ever reaching the summit. Yet, as soon as you know which mountain you're aiming for, you can start to prepare your ascent.

Building a Magnetic Future means having a strong, detailed and compelling idea of what you want from life. Figure out what your really want and you'll find a deep connection to what keeps you going- otherwise known as your motivation. When something has to happen in your life because you want it so much, it has become a Magnetic Future.

Most of us at some point in life have experienced the pull of a Magnetic Future. You may call it being 'On Purpose,' 'At the top of my game,' or just 'Having a really nice time.' It's the feeling that nothing can get in the way of what has to happen - what's going to happen, because we believe in it so much. So how do you build a Magnetic Future?

1. Start from the end, not the beginning
Forget about what's 'possible' for a moment and think of what you would like to do in your life if you had no constraints. No money issues, no people issues, no place issues, no time issues. What would you like to do in your life? Fill a page of A4 with ideas, words, drawings, images.

2. Find the magnetic force
Take a look at your A4 sheet of paper and see which are the parts of it that really stand out to you. Which are the words or ideas that make you tingle with excitement - and possibly even nerves? If there's nothing on the list that makes you feel that way, go back to your sheet of A4 and think "what could I do in my life that would be outrageous?"

The parts of your paper that stand out to you are the magnet. This will be your driving force to keep you motivated.

3. Turn up the power
Now, ask yourself what would would be different if your magnetic words or ideas became a reality? What would your world look like? How would you behave? What would you achieve? What and who would you interact with? What would you be doing and how would you be doing it?

What would all of this make possible on a broader scale?

What you're doing here is to actually start creating your magnetic future. If you're on the right track, you'll already feel that exciting, motivational pull that shows the magnet is starting to work. Work more on this and you'll hit upon a compelling vision of your future that has to happen. When you really hit that, you'll be unstoppable.

For some people questions like this get their juices flowing instantly, whilst for others they need a different style. That's why I coach people 1-2-1 through processes like this. If you're interested in this technique, but need a helping hand, stop by the Ginger coaching page to find out more about what it involves.

Staying Motivated is not only about building a Magnetic Future - it also has two further steps I call:

Part 2. Getting off those Sticky Floorboards
Part 3. Vanquishing Vampires and Ducking Demons

-----------

This article is a snippet of the Ginger Training & Coaching Staying Motivated programme for organisations. It's already worked well for groups of lawyers and accountants, so it will work for many more groups. Please email biscuits@go-ginger.com or call 0207 3888 645 if you think your organisation would benefit from Staying Motivated.

------------

Further reading:
How Dreams learn to Fly
Give yourself authority to dream.
What's your point? Focus & One-pointedness in action

Happiness: The only way is up!

Welcome back to Ginger School after the summer holidays. I hope you have your new pencil case and sharpened pencils at the ready. I've just got back from a few weeks traveling around Europe with a bus full of Buddhists, so this time I'd like to share with you what we can use in daily life from the Buddhist take on happiness.

If you're anything like me, you'll know that life has its ups and downs. There are moments when you feel that everything's great, that you're invincible, that things couldn't be better. And then, (often the next day) there are those slumps when nothings seems to be right. Buddhism is all about progressing towards lasting happiness, or 'enlightenment' as Buddhists put it. It's the state where we have realised our true, perfect nature (this is 'Buddhahood') and no longer experience the highs and lows of every day existence (known as 'samsara').

These ideas have deeply influenced me with my work at Ginger, where it's inspiring to see my clients take steps towards a more fulfilling lifestyle every day. Buddhism often seems confusing to the beginner because there are so many different teachings - that's no surprise when you hear that the historical Buddha Shakyamuni gave 84,000 teachings over the course of 45 years. I'm not sure you'll stick with me all the way to five figures, so I'll chop it down to three points. There are three levels of Buddhism and three different perspectives you can use to look at happiness:

1. Happiness is based on cause and effect

The "Small Way" of Buddhism focuses on karma, which means 'cause and effect' (not, as it's sometimes thought of as fate- with karma we are in complete control of our future). Simply put, good choices of actions bring results that will make you feel good and bad choices of actions bring the reverse. We've all heard that "What goes around, comes around" and Buddhism says that this is true. If you plant a rose seed, you'll get a rose bush, not a cactus. My profession actually relies on the law of karma, because if karma wasn't true, we wouldn't be able to change our lives - it would just be random.

So, how can you use the law of karma to increase our happiness levels?
- First of all, identify an area of your life where you frequently suffer ups and downs.
- Now, go habit hunting. Try to identify what your habitual reactions are to similar situations that result in you feeling bad afterwards and create a causality chain,

e.g: I do really well in an assignment:

1. I feel great and decide go socialising.
2. I'm on top of the world with all my friends, drinking and being merry.
3. Along the way I lose control a touch and say something insensitive to a friend.
4. The next morning I remember the comment, but feel too exhausted to apologize.
5. Some weeks later I've forgotten about the comment, but my friend was hurt by it. The next time I have something to celebrate, she decides to make other plans.
   ...and so on.

- Once you've figured out your causality chain, try to act differently next time, to bring a more positive result.
- It's sometimes very difficult to identify the causality in a situation, because many complex previous actions come into play. Here, the most useful thought to contribute to your happiness is "Steer towards what I know is right and it will be good for me in the long-run."

2. Happiness comes from focusing on others

The "Great Way" of Buddhism emphasizes compassion for others. It teaches that we are just one person and the others are countless more; that if we focus on ourselves we only see problems, but that if we focus on the others, we have helpful things to do for them.

How can you put this into practice?
- In those moments where you feel down, the worst thing you can do is to indulge that feeling. Accept that it's natural to feel down sometimes and look for someone else who needs help. By removing the focus from yourself, you'll automatically shoot back up the happiness line.
- Generosity is one of the best tools to help you focus on others. What we give to others has this wonderful tendency of coming back to us two or three fold. So, nominate one day a week as Generosity Day. See what you can do for others- from letting him onto the bus first, to giving away a cake you've been craving, to washing all the dishes. Crucially, expect nothing in return, or you're still focusing on yourself over others. If you need inspiration, take an example from the gorgeous film "Amelie" - where a naive young french woman decides to do good deeds for others. If you prefer to cope with a gentle amount of American cheese, "Pay it Forward" also holds a similar message.
- Work on listening in a situation where you would usually dominate the conversation, or be thinking of something else. Remember that we are built with two ears and just one mouth! Listening is a great way to say to someone that we are placing more importance on them than ourselves.

3. We already have everything we need for perfect happiness

The third level of Buddhism is the "Diamond Way." This level teaches that we are already equipped with everything we need to be completely happy. That everything we experience is the radiant expression of lasting happiness, or enlightenment - only we don't always see it. On this level, the world is a pure land and all beings have the capacity for enlightenment. Pleasure is to be enjoyed with a sense of freedom and spontaneity and difficulties are to be learned from.

This level is both the simplest to learn and the most difficult to understand. As such I wouldn't claim to be able to pass on information about it that's anything more than my approximate understanding. But, there are some very useful applications of this view of the world which is known as the 'pure view':

- If the world outside is already a pure land, then we can't look for a solution for our own happiness by changing outside conditions. The idea that happiness comes from within oneself has the potential to profoundly change your life as it means taking responsibility rather than making excuses.
- Next time you experience something great, enjoy the experience without guilt, without trying to keep it and without expecting it to be this or that.
- Next time the inevitable difficulty pops up, try to see it as separate from your happiness- that, given time, it will pass. By deeply understanding these last two points, we can learn to lessen out the troughs and increase the peaks of our happiness.

I am by no means an expert in this subject matter - My aim here is to share a few thoughts about Buddhist methods. If you're interested in receiving expert instruction, I'd thoroughly recommend you visit one of the Space For Mind Buddhism talks between 14th-22nd September in London at SOAS/ University of London - some of which are free of charge.

Related articles:
How dreams learn to fly
What's your point? - Focus & one-pointedness
Awareness- the first tool to outstanding public speaking
A word from your saboteur...

Happiness Exercise 1: The "I like" page

Welcome to the first in a series of bite sized exercises to help you boost your ability to create positive change in your life.

I'd like to share with you one of my favourite techniques for making mental habits more positive - the "I Like" page. Simply take a sheet of paper, write "I Like" in the middle of it and fill the page with all the good things you notice over the course of the day - from the mundane to the majestic.

How to do it
The technique is as simple as it sounds, but it may take a little practice to get moving, especially when you're staring at a blank page. The trick is to include anything you like, starting from the things you can physically see around you. If you're still struggling, take a walk and look around you at nature, or think of the little moments in life that give you pleasure.

What's it good for?
Whenever I need a boost in positivity, I whip out an "I Like" page. Just focusing on positive things around you increases your capacity to do get things done, because the mind works more incisively when its energy isn't spread across different worries and concerns. From a positive mindset, obstacles generally seem less significant and therefore easier to overcome - test this to see if it's right for you.

Secondly, an "I Like" page can distract from a big, sticky problem that won't seem to go away. Simply removing yourself from that 'stuck' perspective for a few minutes is often enough to find a different, more positive way to progress. How can you worry when your mind is on crusty bread, or barefoot on grass?

Thirdly, the technique works on your creativity and even humour, by encouraging you to recognise every little thing that makes you feel positive. For example, as I was writing this page I heard a child's laughter on a nearby table. Looking up, I realised it was an old lady with a big grin - wonderful!

Fourthly, using this technique over time builds mental resilience and contributes to general happiness. In conditioning yourself to notice the good in every situation, rather than the bad, you will start to find yourself thinking and acting more positively. Would you rather be surrounded by a world of average, dull things, people and ideas, or one that is creative, alive and exciting?

I do love a good "I like" page - so much that the technique in itself will probably make it onto my next "I Like" page. I'd love to see how it works for you- please give it a shot and post a comment.

Happiness Exercise 4: The Wheel of Delight
Happiness Exercise 3: The Appreciation Game
Happiness Exercise 2: The Not-to-do List

How dreams learn to fly

I wrote recently about my friends Mark & Denise who entered a competition to live their dream lifestyle for six months. Did they win the Ultimate Job competition? Have a look here to see their journey and my thoughts.

Mark & Denise's efforts inspired me to think more about how dreams become reality, particularly because this is something I help my coaching clients with every day. So, just what does it take to make your dream fly?

1) Before you reach a peak, you need a mountain to climb
If we don't know where we're trying to get to, how can we complain when we don't get there? One of the biggest challenges is to work out what you really want from your life. I started to ponder dreaming based on Mark & Denise's example in this article: Give yourself the Authority to Dream. What I learned was how much we restrict ourselves to the habits of our current reality; a path we chose perhaps many years ago and perhaps without conscious choice.

If Psychologists are right in saying that 90-95% of our thoughts today are the same as our thoughts yesterday, what impact does that have on our capacity to dream up changes in our lives? Ask yourself this;

- When did I last do something that felt thrilling?
- What was the last thing I wished for?
- When I wish for things, how often are they in my usual range of habits and how often are they big, or even scary wishes?

There are plenty of techniques to help you dream outside of your habitual patterns, or comfort zone. One of my favourites that I do with my clients is to help them visualise a fantastic future, based not on their logic, but based on their deep internal desires. That, incidentally, is where Ginger came from. You can use vision boards, positive affirmation, work on personal meaning and even a shopping spree to help you strengthen your dream. By creating a rock solid dream- a future that's so utterly desirable - anything else that gets in the way will seem insignificant.

2. Build your confidence muscle
We're afraid to dream because of the risks. What if I fail? and What if I lose what I already have? are two big ones, but I believe they hide an even bigger fear - What if I get what I want?

Whatever the fear, we can train ourselves gradually to have confidence in our ability to succeed and our ability to cope with success. That confidence, of course, becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. But, like any muscle, your confidence muscle needs training. Of course you may not have the confidence (or opportunity) to run for Prime Minister right now, but if you set yourself tiny goals to achieve, then celebrate and reaffirm your success, you'll find that over time your self confidence grows and your ability to dream strengthens. And with your strengthening confidence muscle, bigger and more powerful dreams are possible. Not to mention the connections and possibilities you naturally come across that help you on your way over time.

Start really small and focus on your power to make something happen in your life. If you're building trust in yourself, fulfil even the tiniest of promises you make to yourself. Get up when you say you'll get up; call home when you agreed and follow up on that person asking for your help. Achieve all the goals you set for yourself in a month and you'll see the difference in your confidence.

3. Give yourself time & space
Ever given up on an idea half way through, thinking they're not working, only to find a few weeks later that if you'd kept going you would've succeeded?

Remember to build your confidence and your dream over time, without being put off. If you climb a few metres up one mountain, then decide to change to a different mountain because it looks easier, you may never reach a summit. Recogise that it often months and years to reach dreams. Here it's important you have that rock solid dream, so that you can cling on even when times get tough. And you can prepare yourself for those tough times by acknowledging the following:

- Your mind will play tricks on your to try to put you off (we call it the saboteur, the inner critic, the gremlin...)
- You will get there if you keep going
- What happens in your life is nobody's choice but yours

And finally, don't forget that it is you who makes your dreams happen, by making your dreams happen.


Related articles
Give yourself the authority to dream!
What's your point? Focus & one-pointedness in action

What's your point? - Focus & one-pointedness

I was pondering my ability to focus this Easter weekend (before I got distracted by a chocolate egg) and reminded myself of what Buddhists call 'one-pointedness'- a state of complete concentration where you are completely on-task, or in-the-moment. Given my own flighty nature when faced with a day of activity in the office, I set about investigating one-pointedness to see how I can find and keep to my own single-point more often.

I asked myself the following questions, which I invite you to ask yourself too...

What does it mean to be many-pointed?
I've always considered myself a great multitasker, so why should I change my ways? First stop, a consideration of my current situation - what effect does being many-pointed have on me? We've all had those days where we set off to get something done, but without much focus. At work, it's that day where there's so much to do you don't know where to start. If you're anything like me, your first step (and third and sixth step) is to check your email. You're heading somewhere, but you don't know where and suddenly 'urgent' emails, phone calls or questions from colleagues are all you can seem to get through. Perhaps it's no surprise that days like that tend to finish in frustration, exhaustion or a feeling of 'peh... what was that?' This is a many-pointed day.

Although I think I love multi-tasking, when I consider how many-pointedness really makes me feel, it's words like stressful, breathless, darting, anxious, pulling, pushing, changing and regretting that spring to mind. It brings the discomforting feeling that I'm not really living up to my best, which only brings more confusion and panic.

How does One-pointedness feel?
Should I take that moment of confusion and panic and myself into a one-pointed mindset, how does that feel? For me words like this come up: space, focus, calm, purpose, simplicity, sensing, timeless, easy, tireless, light, connected, right, effortless, relaxed... and so on. There's a beautiful simplicity and balance that we instinctively know comes with us finding focus.

What does One-pointedness think like?
Let's go deeper into the mind-set of one-pointed focus. If you were Mrs One-Pointed herself, what sort of language would run through your head? For me, it's the following;

• This is the only important thing there is right now
• My task is the right one beyond doubt
• I have everything I need to make this happen
• This will happen with a little patience and calm

How do I get One-pointed?
Buddhism has skillful and long-term methods for training the mind to become focused on a single point. Whilst not attempting to better those fine teachings, I devised a three step process for upping one-pointedness in every day life;

1) CHOOSE
Your first step in becoming one-pointed is in picking one thing to do at a time. It's like picking one cake to eat at a time, rather than shoving in the chocolate eclair with the apple tart, with a chicken sandwich. It seems obvious, but we so often fail to take this crucial step. The important thing here is that you make a conscious choice- rather than getting blown this way or that by emails, twitter, text messages and so on. (Later this month we'll look at what to do if you have to react to your situation rather than choose.)

To get here you may have to spend time considering, planning, researching and analysing without the 'assistance' of your inbox. To stay here, you must also make the firm choice to honour your choice, even if other more attractive offers (read: a better cake) come along whilst you're still chewing.

2) DO
Many people love the planning bit, but then fail on action. I'm a classic example when it comes to selling my products. I spend hours designing a wonderful product, I think through who I'll market it to, how I'll market it and then... get distracted by a new opportunity before I follow it through. An effective "DO" stage is where the one-pointedness happens. It's all about noticing any distracting thoughts, acknowledging them rather than repressing or ignoring them and then letting them pass without influencing you. Expect to be pulled off-task - it will happen. But with every sense and thought, patiently and continually refocus yourself back to what you chose to do.

You'll find techniques to strengthen your DO stage on the way and we'll investigate some of these later in the month.

3) FINISH
Everyone has a limit to their attention span (for adults we focus at our maximum for around 20 minutes), so having an end to your task will ensure that you can set yourself up to succeed. The finish is the bit where you can say to yourself "That's it, completed, finished, end of story" before starting on something else. It's important to congratulate yourself when you get here, no matter how small your victory, as it motivates your subconscious mind to focus again next time you take on a choice. After finishing and congratulating yourself, only now do you critique the process you went through to get there to improve it for next time. This is critical so that that self-doubt doesn't derail your choice during the DO stage.


This month is One-Pointed April, so follow this blog for more in the coming weeks. Please contribute with your questions and comments below.

How to make any job your dream job

My partner Luke works for a local council. He spends most of the day listening to members of the public fretting, complaining, protesting or 'trying to cut a deal' over Council Tax payments. Not exactly top 10 in one's list of dream jobs. Yet we've come up with a way to make his average job into a Dream Job.

In a way, so many of us end up in that less-than-perfect job. Even if we finally landed a spot in our dream company (the one with the pool table in the canteen and handcream in the loos), reality quickly bites when the routine grind of repetitive work hits in. I've known a number of bubbly idealists who joined ethical companies that should've been 'the one,' yet eighteen months down the line they're looking again for something... better.

So what's going wrong here? Is it that our managers don't know how to design jobs that are fulfilling? Could be. Or it could be that we don't know how to find fulfilment in our job? If we blame our managers, there's not much we can do but shift jobs and complain about the next boss. But if we take responsibility, it really is possible to make any job our dream job. Here's how.

A few weeks ago Luke and I developed a technique that has radically changed the way he faces his customers. We call it the Customer Award of the Day.

The Concept: Every day Luke hunts out candidates for his Customer of the Day. For each person he speaks to, he notes down the positive (and only the positive) qualities that he notices in them. The Customer of the Day is then given the fine award of, well, nothing, apart from Luke picking them as his favourite person for that day.

Meaning that the guy Luke had previously see as the "petulant business man" becomes "diligent, focused and an excellent communicator," and the "disorganised, emotional woman with three children who's shouting at me" becomes "caring, nurturing, protective mother who is passionate and expressive."

You get the idea. By focusing on the positive qualities of those around you, their positive side is exactly what you experience. Just think about the difference it makes if you pick up the phone and hold your breath for the first good quality to shine, rather than holding your breath in anticipation of a fight.

"But isn't that just deluding yourself?" a number of Luke's colleagues have asked. I suppose you could see it like that. But if like me you see truth as more dynamic than objective, you'll realise that in life you see what you want to see in people. And the qualities you chose to focus on are the ones that will stick in your memory.

More than just positive thinking, this a way to learn. Every time you recognise a quality in someone else, you can implicitly compare your actions to theres and think - "Am I being as generous today as customer #3? Or as straightforward as customer #7?" If you're surrounded by good examples your own development becomes easier.

Even if your job is not as repetitive as Luke's, you can still keep a lookout for your Person of the Day. What qualities did you admire in your colleagues, clients or people in the street? What did you learn today from people around you? Who struck you as inspirational, unique, clever, peaceful, and so on.

The choice really is yours. And in this way, it's your choice whether you have an drab job or a Dream Job. Ask yourself this: would you prefer to focus on people's 'bad' qualities, or would you prefer to work with an endless supply of exciting, impressive people that you can learn from?