You're trying to make something important happen in your life. It could be big, or small, but getting motivated towards it is a challenge. There are three ways to get motivated and stay that way that I've been investigating in this blog. First, we looked at how to create a magnetic future that draws you to your goals and then we investigated what to do to get yourself moving. One more piece of the staying motivated jigsaw puzzle is left: the Vampires and Demons.
Don't worry, you haven't stumbled into another teenage vampire movie. Your inner demons (otherwise known as mood vampires, saboteurs or gremlins) are the voices inside your head that hold you back from achieving what you're really capable of. It's part of the inner dialogue that shapes your ability to stay motivated from moment to moment.
These are the sneaky voices that shoot us down when we're on the verge of success, that tell us we're not good enough and that encourage us not to bother because "What's the point?"
Imagine you've just started up a new business baking cakes. Your inner dialogue might go something like this:
9:05am: Wow, I'm so excited, this is a great new project. I love making cakes and I can't believe I'm running my own business, this is fantastic.
9:15am: This is going so well, I have a new client, I'm loving every minute! I want to do this forever!
9:34am: Oh, wait, I'm not sure this cake's as good as the one I made in training.
9:35am: No, no, no, it's no good, they won't like this at all.
9:36am: For goodness sake, you're useless, can't you even do a simple cake?
9:39am: Oh brilliant, and now you've made it even worse. What were you thinking? You're stupid.
9:40am: You're screwing this up, just like everything else.
9:44am: How can you expect to make this into a business if you can't do one simple thing?
9:45am: You're a useless salesperson, you can't network with people and now you can't even bake a cake. Brilliant.
9:46am: What was I thinking? I wonder if they'll take me back at work.
10:00am: I told you you couldn't do it
Your inner demon is the part of your inner world where doubt, fear, criticism and vulnerability live. The inner demon demands that you stop, go back, or hide in your comfort zone, rather than risking success.
You can notice the inner demon is working overtime when:
- Your energy towards a project slumps - "Oh, wait, I'm not sure this cake's as good as the one I made in training."
- You ignore all the positives and focus on the negatives- "No, no, no, it's no good, they won't like this at all."
- You treat yourself and the situation too seriously - "For goodness sake, you're useless, can't you even do a simple cake?"
- You relate the current situation to all the other times you've gone wrong - "You're screwing this up, just like everything else."
- You make up rules about your behaviour based on this instance - "How can you expect to make this into a business if you can't do one simple thing?"
- And finally, you end up stopping, or restricting your activity - "I told you you couldn't do it"
The same pattern can hold true for any number of situations. But once you've noticed those demons and vampires, how do you battle them so that you can get on with what you were trying to do?
1) Check the logic of the inner demon
Inner demons only hold power when we know them to be true. Byron Katie has developed a highly effective method of questioning your thoughts, which applies to public speaking saboteurs. Take the saboteur’s thought – for example, “I'm a failure” – and ask yourself “Can I be 100% sure this is true?” The answer can be either yes, or no. Unless you can prove to yourself 100% that you are not an interesting speaker (or whatever message it is that your saboteur is giving you), you will have to say “No.” In this way, you begin to discredit your saboteur because it is no longer true in all situations.
2) Find replacement thoughts
Now that this saboteur’s thought has been discredited, you’ll want to find a more accurate thought to put in its place. Try substituting “I'm a failure” with thoughts that are:
Positive: what we tell ourselves becomes true, so we may as well tell ourselves positive things. Try substituting “I'm a failure” with “I have great ideas” or “I made a wonderful cake last week for Rachel”. Find a thought that’s positive and feels authentic.
Specific for negatives and general for positives: It can be useful to admit a mistake you made to learn from it in future. But don’t generalise this negative thought to yourself as a person. Keep any negative thoughts on the present time and situation, so you can see they aren’t universal truths. Substitute, “I’m a failure” for “This time, I left the cake in the oven for a little too long”. When you use replacement thoughts that are positive, then you can use general statements about who you are as a person or speaker: “I am a good business person,” or “I am enthusiastic about making cakes”.
In your control: Base your thoughts around things that you are able to influence, rather than things that are out of your control. Your attitude towards your work is in control. The reaction of others, unforeseen circumstances and mistakes are out of your control. Try replacement thoughts such as “I will be happy with whatever I manage,” or “I will like myself whatever happens”.
3) Say ‘thanks and goodbye’ to the inner demon
Now that you have a replacement thought, you no longer need your inner demon’s advice. Yet, the inner demon will often pop up when you least expect it to offer an unhelpful message. To kick him out once and for all, keep saying 'thanks and goodbye' every time he shows up. It will take patience and time.
Further reading
See Part 1: Building a Magnetic Future
Part 2: Getting off those sticky floorboards
Video Blog: How to be more motivated
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