The nights are closing in and with more economic gloom looming, it's easy to find yourself sliding down the slippery slope of demotivation. "What's the point?" "Why bother?" and "Ugh, if I have to..." might be phrases you find yourself uttering from time to time. But when there are so many exciting things to do and achieve in the world, we don't want pesky demotivation to get in the way, do we? Here's the Ginger take on how to keep yourself trim, sharp and motivated.
Part 1: Build a Magnetic Future
Have you ever heard of a walker who accidentally one day stumbled to the top of Everest? Just taking a stroll and "Whoops - what a lovely view"? Me neither. Likewise, if you don't know what your own mountain peak is, the chances are you'll wander round in the foothills without ever reaching the summit. Yet, as soon as you know which mountain you're aiming for, you can start to prepare your ascent.
Building a Magnetic Future means having a strong, detailed and compelling idea of what you want from life. Figure out what your really want and you'll find a deep connection to what keeps you going- otherwise known as your motivation. When something has to happen in your life because you want it so much, it has become a Magnetic Future.
Most of us at some point in life have experienced the pull of a Magnetic Future. You may call it being 'On Purpose,' 'At the top of my game,' or just 'Having a really nice time.' It's the feeling that nothing can get in the way of what has to happen - what's going to happen, because we believe in it so much. So how do you build a Magnetic Future?
1. Start from the end, not the beginning
Forget about what's 'possible' for a moment and think of what you would like to do in your life if you had no constraints. No money issues, no people issues, no place issues, no time issues. What would you like to do in your life? Fill a page of A4 with ideas, words, drawings, images.
2. Find the magnetic force
Take a look at your A4 sheet of paper and see which are the parts of it that really stand out to you. Which are the words or ideas that make you tingle with excitement - and possibly even nerves? If there's nothing on the list that makes you feel that way, go back to your sheet of A4 and think "what could I do in my life that would be outrageous?"
The parts of your paper that stand out to you are the magnet. This will be your driving force to keep you motivated.
3. Turn up the power
Now, ask yourself what would would be different if your magnetic words or ideas became a reality? What would your world look like? How would you behave? What would you achieve? What and who would you interact with? What would you be doing and how would you be doing it?
What would all of this make possible on a broader scale?
What you're doing here is to actually start creating your magnetic future. If you're on the right track, you'll already feel that exciting, motivational pull that shows the magnet is starting to work. Work more on this and you'll hit upon a compelling vision of your future that has to happen. When you really hit that, you'll be unstoppable.
For some people questions like this get their juices flowing instantly, whilst for others they need a different style. That's why I coach people 1-2-1 through processes like this. If you're interested in this technique, but need a helping hand, stop by the Ginger coaching page to find out more about what it involves.
Staying Motivated is not only about building a Magnetic Future - it also has two further steps I call:
Part 2. Getting off those Sticky Floorboards
Part 3. Vanquishing Vampires and Ducking Demons
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This article is a snippet of the Ginger Training & Coaching Staying Motivated programme for organisations. It's already worked well for groups of lawyers and accountants, so it will work for many more groups. Please email biscuits@go-ginger.com or call 0207 3888 645 if you think your organisation would benefit from Staying Motivated.
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Further reading:
How Dreams learn to Fly
Give yourself authority to dream.
What's your point? Focus & One-pointedness in action
Welcome back to Ginger School after the summer holidays. I hope you have your new pencil case and sharpened pencils at the ready. I've just got back from a few weeks traveling around Europe with a bus full of Buddhists, so this time I'd like to share with you what we can use in daily life from the Buddhist take on happiness.
If you're anything like me, you'll know that life has its ups and downs. There are moments when you feel that everything's great, that you're invincible, that things couldn't be better. And then, (often the next day) there are those slumps when nothings seems to be right. Buddhism is all about progressing towards lasting happiness, or 'enlightenment' as Buddhists put it. It's the state where we have realised our true, perfect nature (this is 'Buddhahood') and no longer experience the highs and lows of every day existence (known as 'samsara').
These ideas have deeply influenced me with my work at Ginger, where it's inspiring to see my clients take steps towards a more fulfilling lifestyle every day. Buddhism often seems confusing to the beginner because there are so many different teachings - that's no surprise when you hear that the historical Buddha Shakyamuni gave 84,000 teachings over the course of 45 years. I'm not sure you'll stick with me all the way to five figures, so I'll chop it down to three points. There are three levels of Buddhism and three different perspectives you can use to look at happiness:
1. Happiness is based on cause and effect
The "Small Way" of Buddhism focuses on karma, which means 'cause and effect' (not, as it's sometimes thought of as fate- with karma we are in complete control of our future). Simply put, good choices of actions bring results that will make you feel good and bad choices of actions bring the reverse. We've all heard that "What goes around, comes around" and Buddhism says that this is true. If you plant a rose seed, you'll get a rose bush, not a cactus. My profession actually relies on the law of karma, because if karma wasn't true, we wouldn't be able to change our lives - it would just be random.
So, how can you use the law of karma to increase our happiness levels?
- First of all, identify an area of your life where you frequently suffer ups and downs.
- Now, go habit hunting. Try to identify what your habitual reactions are to similar situations that result in you feeling bad afterwards and create a causality chain,
e.g: I do really well in an assignment:
- I feel great and decide go socialising.
- I'm on top of the world with all my friends, drinking and being merry.
- Along the way I lose control a touch and say something insensitive to a friend.
- The next morning I remember the comment, but feel too exhausted to apologize.
- Some weeks later I've forgotten about the comment, but my friend was hurt by it. The next time I have something to celebrate, she decides to make other plans.
...and so on.
- Once you've figured out your causality chain, try to act differently next time, to bring a more positive result.- It's sometimes very difficult to identify the causality in a situation, because many complex previous actions come into play. Here, the most useful thought to contribute to your happiness is "Steer towards what I know is right and it will be good for me in the long-run."
2. Happiness comes from focusing on others
The "Great Way" of Buddhism emphasizes compassion for others. It teaches that we are just one person and the others are countless more; that if we focus on ourselves we only see problems, but that if we focus on the others, we have helpful things to do for them.
How can you put this into practice?
- In those moments where you feel down, the worst thing you can do is to indulge that feeling. Accept that it's natural to feel down sometimes and look for someone else who needs help. By removing the focus from yourself, you'll automatically shoot back up the happiness line.
- Generosity is one of the best tools to help you focus on others. What we give to others has this wonderful tendency of coming back to us two or three fold. So, nominate one day a week as Generosity Day. See what you can do for others- from letting him onto the bus first, to giving away a cake you've been craving, to washing all the dishes. Crucially, expect nothing in return, or you're still focusing on yourself over others. If you need inspiration, take an example from the gorgeous film "Amelie" - where a naive young french woman decides to do good deeds for others. If you prefer to cope with a gentle amount of American cheese, "Pay it Forward" also holds a similar message.
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Work on listening in a situation where you would usually dominate the conversation, or be thinking of something else. Remember that we are built with two ears and just one mouth! Listening is a great way to say to someone that we are placing more importance on them than ourselves.
3. We already have everything we need for perfect happiness
The third level of Buddhism is the "Diamond Way." This level teaches that we are already equipped with everything we need to be completely happy. That everything we experience is the radiant expression of lasting happiness, or enlightenment - only we don't always see it. On this level, the world is a pure land and all beings have the capacity for enlightenment. Pleasure is to be enjoyed with a sense of freedom and spontaneity and difficulties are to be learned from.
This level is both the simplest to learn and the most difficult to understand. As such I wouldn't claim to be able to pass on information about it that's anything more than my approximate understanding. But, there are some very useful applications of this view of the world which is known as the 'pure view':
- If the world outside is already a pure land, then we can't look for a solution for our own happiness by changing outside conditions. The idea that happiness comes from within oneself has the potential to profoundly change your life as it means taking responsibility rather than making excuses.- Next time you experience something great, enjoy the experience without guilt, without trying to keep it and without expecting it to be this or that.
- Next time the inevitable difficulty pops up, try to see it as separate from your happiness- that, given time, it will pass. By deeply understanding these last two points, we can learn to lessen out the troughs and increase the peaks of our happiness.
I am by no means an expert in this subject matter - My aim here is to share a few thoughts about Buddhist methods. If you're interested in receiving expert instruction, I'd thoroughly recommend you visit one of the Space For Mind Buddhism talks between 14th-22nd September in London at SOAS/ University of London - some of which are free of charge.
Related articles:
How dreams learn to fly
What's your point? - Focus & one-pointedness
Awareness- the first tool to outstanding public speaking
A word from your saboteur...
I wrote recently about my friends Mark & Denise who entered a competition to live their dream lifestyle for six months. Did they win the Ultimate Job competition? Have a look here to see their journey and my thoughts.
Mark & Denise's efforts inspired me to think more about how dreams become reality, particularly because this is something I help my coaching clients with every day. So, just what does it take to make your dream fly?
1) Before you reach a peak, you need a mountain to climb
If we don't know where we're trying to get to, how can we complain when we don't get there? One of the biggest challenges is to work out what you really want from your life. I started to ponder dreaming based on Mark & Denise's example in this article: Give yourself the Authority to Dream. What I learned was how much we restrict ourselves to the habits of our current reality; a path we chose perhaps many years ago and perhaps without conscious choice.
If Psychologists are right in saying that 90-95% of our thoughts today are the same as our thoughts yesterday, what impact does that have on our capacity to dream up changes in our lives? Ask yourself this;
- When did I last do something that felt thrilling?
- What was the last thing I wished for?
- When I wish for things, how often are they in my usual range of habits and how often are they big, or even scary wishes?
There are plenty of techniques to help you dream outside of your habitual patterns, or comfort zone. One of my favourites that I do with my clients is to help them visualise a fantastic future, based not on their logic, but based on their deep internal desires. That, incidentally, is where Ginger came from. You can use vision boards, positive affirmation, work on personal meaning and even a shopping spree to help you strengthen your dream. By creating a rock solid dream- a future that's so utterly desirable - anything else that gets in the way will seem insignificant.
2. Build your confidence muscle
We're afraid to dream because of the risks. What if I fail? and What if I lose what I already have? are two big ones, but I believe they hide an even bigger fear - What if I get what I want?
Whatever the fear, we can train ourselves gradually to have confidence in our ability to succeed and our ability to cope with success. That confidence, of course, becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. But, like any muscle, your confidence muscle needs training. Of course you may not have the confidence (or opportunity) to run for Prime Minister right now, but if you set yourself tiny goals to achieve, then celebrate and reaffirm your success, you'll find that over time your self confidence grows and your ability to dream strengthens. And with your strengthening confidence muscle, bigger and more powerful dreams are possible. Not to mention the connections and possibilities you naturally come across that help you on your way over time.
Start really small and focus on your power to make something happen in your life. If you're building trust in yourself, fulfil even the tiniest of promises you make to yourself. Get up when you say you'll get up; call home when you agreed and follow up on that person asking for your help. Achieve all the goals you set for yourself in a month and you'll see the difference in your confidence.
3. Give yourself time & space
Ever given up on an idea half way through, thinking they're not working, only to find a few weeks later that if you'd kept going you would've succeeded?
Remember to build your confidence and your dream over time, without being put off. If you climb a few metres up one mountain, then decide to change to a different mountain because it looks easier, you may never reach a summit. Recogise that it often months and years to reach dreams. Here it's important you have that rock solid dream, so that you can cling on even when times get tough. And you can prepare yourself for those tough times by acknowledging the following:
- Your mind will play tricks on your to try to put you off (we call it the saboteur, the inner critic, the gremlin...)
- You will get there if you keep going
- What happens in your life is nobody's choice but yours
And finally, don't forget that it is you who makes your dreams happen, by making your dreams happen.
Related articles
Give yourself the authority to dream!
What's your point? Focus & one-pointedness in action
When my good friend Karin Lange suggested a week day romp to Somerset House for ice-skating, my first reaction wasn't great.
"Nah-ah," I told myself, "that's ridiculous. You can't ice-skate, you should be doing proper work during the day and you'll only end up breaking something." I tried everything to convince myself. "It's not even a proper walking surface is it? It's just like trying to walk on lit barbecues- why would you do it?!" Of the (arguably) two natural fears we're born with, fear of falling is 50% and this seemed like sufficient evidence to prove to me that my fear was justified. "Don't go."
My second reaction was a little more positive, however, as I reminded myself how I love different experiences, especially when they involve facing a fear. So as I stepped tentatively onto what can only be described as very smooth, very slippery ice, I tried to learn something.
My first few minutes confirmed that I indeed didn't have the magical ice-skating gene hidden in me. I spent most of that time clinging to the side rail without being able to move. When I did manage to face the direction of the skating traffic, I felt like an elephant trying to cross a ropebridge. Meanwhilst people half my size where already whizzing past with grace and confidence. This, I realised, was part of my fear. I wasn't so much afraid of breaking a bone (because that bad things don't happen to me tendency kicked in and refused to let me believe it), but I what I was afraid of was not being all that good.
As someone who's been a bit of a swat for most of her life, I'm one of those lucky people who are used to picking up intellectual concepts as fast as anyone. I'm used to being at the front of the pack without much effort. But when it comes to physical activities, I realised that I share a common Western adult disease of being far too much in my head and not nearly enough in my body.
It wasn't comfortable to bend my needs to get more balance - I didn't like the insecure feeling when you lose balance and wobble backwards and grab madly for the nearest barrier (or child) for support. I didn't want to do my apprenticeship, I wanted to skate NOW. Or not at all. Karin reminded me it was like so many people's reaction to personal development work - many of us in the field have seen (or been!) that person who, say, meditates for 30 seconds and then give up, proclaiming it doesn't work. If we have a lifetime of bad habits built up, it's going to take more than a few seconds to destroy them.
So, after many minutes of patient Karin wheeling me around the ice rink and giving me encouraging words, I gradually, progressed from inept and scared to 1 metre away from the barrier and calm. And what helped? Actually it was distracting myself as much as possible from our subject matter. In talking about something completely different as we went round, Karin and I practiced a very smart technique of just being rather than analysing; letting our bodies do the work for once whilst our minds were distracted elsewhere.
And it's true elsewhere in our lives. How many things do we restrict ourselves from doing because we have over-active brains? How many times have you convinced yourself not to talk to that stranger because... or not to pick up the phone and ask for that because, well, you know the sorts of excuses we all make up.
If we just let our bodies guide us more, perhaps they'd guide us into situations that make us feel more alive, more capable. After all, my theory is that bones aren't generally broken on skating rinks because of stupidity. Generally the more tense we are, the more dangerous a fall is (see how kids bounce?). And if it's tension that's dangerous, it's thinking too much that creates the tension.
So it's less think, more 'do'.
