Why the world needs you to speak from the heart

Take a peek around you in the media - what do you see? Another celebrity scandal? Another politician who’s got in trouble for saying something? Another frenzy about the new iSomething-that-we-don’t-really-need?

To me, all this seems rather unreal, distant and uninspiring. Like it misses the point somewhere.

What gets me tickled is connection. Like last week, when I heard the founder of the Coaches Training Institute Karen Kimsey-House speak in London. She had a complete absence of spin. No hype. No hoopla. No glossy buzzwords. Yet she was one of the most inspiring speaker’s I’ve come across. Why? Because she spoke from the heart.

It felt fresh, it felt deep and I found myself listening to and receiving her words on a whole different level.

What the world needs now, more than ever, is inspiration. And the most powerful way I’ve found of inspiring others is to stand up and speak from the heart. It’s known in some circles as public speaking. And it’s more powerful than any video, email or tweet could ever be.

What the world needs now is you – the people who think and care – to step out of your comfort zone and become a voice for positive change. It doesn’t matter if you’re scared, Laura Whitworth admits to still being terrified of public speaking. What matters is that you get your message out there.

See, what I’m finding as I think more about public speaking (which I ought to be doing having just finished writing a book about it), is that truly brilliant public speaking boils down to authenticity.

Of course a good speaker needs to get the basics right. They should be at choice with how their body, voice and mind behave whilst they’re speaking; they should have a solid sense of empathy with their audience’s needs; their content should be fresh, engaging and well-structured. But all of this can leave you cold without those authentic moments when a speaker talks from the heart.

If all this talk of inspiring public speaking sounds daunting, let me assure you that there’s a proven pathway to get you there. With help, support and a fair dose of your own bravery, you will get there. The first three steps along that pathway go a little like this:

1) Solidify your message. Find out what you really care about. What is the tank you’re willing to stand in front of? Learn for yourself what’s really important to you, by seeing what grabs your attention in the news, or in life at large. This is your message.

2) Link your message to what you do. What you do as a job or hobby is your practical reason for standing up and speaking in public. If your message totally conflicts with both, I’d urge you to find new ways of spending your time. Usually there’s a good link. And this is your reason for speaking in public.

3) Speak up! Know that nobody will hear your message of change unless you start to tell it. If you don’t say it, nobody else will – not in that special way that’s authentic to you. If you understand the significance of your message, you’ll be ready to talk, even if it makes your knees wobble. So it’s time to get moving.

You may need some help on the way to shape the message, or to build your speaking technique, but make a start. If you’ve nowhere else to go, head to a local Toastmasters club where new (and experienced) public speakers are always welcome.

And, of course, this is just the start of the journey. I support speakers and aspiring speakers along the way.

My programmes include:

Foundations of Excellent Public Speaking

Memorable Messages through Public Speaking

Public Speaking for Workshop Leaders

For more information, please visit: http://www.go-ginger.com/workshops.html

Sarah Lloyd-Hughes is founder of Ginger Training & Coaching – www.go-ginger.com and author of “How to be Brilliant at Public Speaking” (Pearson, Sept 2011).

4 secrets to turn your day from mundane to magical

Isn't it great to wake up feeling excited about your day ahead? To know that whatever you're doing that day, it matters, it's meaningful. What if you could feel like this every day?

Well, guess what? You can - no matter what you do right now.

I'll share with you some ideas of how, but first, let's back up a little. For me, there's no more inspiring profession than what I do. My work as a coach helps people to live their dreams (what a privilege) and I've just completed a life-long ambition to become a published author (well, I've done the work... now I have to wait for the book to come out in October). Yet, even though I'm doing what I always wanted to do, this Monday morning I didn't leap to my desk with enthusiasm. I slumped there, bleary eyed and wanting to go back to bed.

"If you can't muster enthusiasm for the day," I asked myself, "how can you expect to inspire your clients?"

This could have been one of those days we all have, where things feel like walking through glue. But instead of wallowing in my Monday blues, I got on the phone to a wonderful coach friend of mine, Nikki Armytage - The Life Stylist. She helped me remember that your day goes whichever way you choose it to go. Any day can be mundane or magical.

Something that was magical for me as a six year old girl was the carousel at fairgrounds. I would pick my favourite horse and enjoy the speed and motion and independent feeling the experience gave me. Yet, ten years later at 16, the carousel was the last ride I wanted to try. It was too slow, too usual, too childish. "Boring!" I yawned and went to sit on a bench and grumpily do nothing.

Like the fairground, we can 'grow out of' the magic of enjoying our lives. Something new in our lives goes from being exciting, to being mundane with shocking speed. What was once a thrilling new job becomes an obligation; what was once a shiny new relationship gets dulled and routinised. So how do we keep that magic feeling of stepping into the fairground as a six year old? How can you live in your own permanent fairground?

Here are four secrets that work for me:

1) Look at through the eyes of a six year old. Imagine you were six again, looking at your life, with all that awe and wonder for the world. Everything, from driving a car, to going shopping at Tesco, to choosing your own dinner would be magical. That's how your life really is when you look at it - a series of magical moments that hold much more potential than we ever notice.

2) Go for playtime. As John Williams writes about in his book Screw Work Let's Play, it is possible for us to play and work at the same time. I'm pretty sure no six year old would sit at a desk and work for hours on end, so see what happens if you don't either. Play! Sit on the floor, ditch your laptop, play a game, draw a picture... do something that brings the magic back into your life. And then when you restart your activity, you'll feel fresher and you'll do it better.

3) Notice your 'candy-floss'. Candy-floss is all the stuff we have to feel good about in life. If you were standing in a fairground right now, your arms would probably be full of candy-floss, if you only chose to notice. Count all the things you have to feel grateful for. How many of the things you have ever wished for have come true? When good things happen, it's easy for us to forget about them, but if you focus on feeling grateful the magic will stay in your life.

4) Never go to the fairground alone. It's not much fun sitting on a rollercoaster on your own. To keep your day from becoming mundane, look to people around you to play with. Be lighthearted with each other. Do something unusual together. Connect. Give them your energy. The more you invest into the people around you, the more magic they will give you back.

What else do you do to live a magical life? Please share your ideas below :O)

Video Blog: How to be more confident

Made by Videojug - click here for more similar videos

Staying Motivated Part Three: Vanquishing Vampires & Ducking Demons

You're trying to make something important happen in your life. It could be big, or small, but getting motivated towards it is a challenge. There are three ways to get motivated and stay that way that I've been investigating in this blog. First, we looked at how to create a magnetic future that draws you to your goals and then we investigated what to do to get yourself moving. One more piece of the staying motivated jigsaw puzzle is left: the Vampires and Demons.

Don't worry, you haven't stumbled into another teenage vampire movie. Your inner demons (otherwise known as mood vampires, saboteurs or gremlins) are the voices inside your head that hold you back from achieving what you're really capable of. It's part of the inner dialogue that shapes your ability to stay motivated from moment to moment.

These are the sneaky voices that shoot us down when we're on the verge of success, that tell us we're not good enough and that encourage us not to bother because "What's the point?"

Imagine you've just started up a new business baking cakes. Your inner dialogue might go something like this:

9:05am: Wow, I'm so excited, this is a great new project. I love making cakes and I can't believe I'm running my own business, this is fantastic.
9:15am: This is going so well, I have a new client, I'm loving every minute! I want to do this forever!
9:34am: Oh, wait, I'm not sure this cake's as good as the one I made in training.
9:35am: No, no, no, it's no good, they won't like this at all.
9:36am: For goodness sake, you're useless, can't you even do a simple cake?
9:39am: Oh brilliant, and now you've made it even worse. What were you thinking? You're stupid.
9:40am: You're screwing this up, just like everything else.
9:44am: How can you expect to make this into a business if you can't do one simple thing?
9:45am: You're a useless salesperson, you can't network with people and now you can't even bake a cake. Brilliant.
9:46am: What was I thinking? I wonder if they'll take me back at work.
10:00am: I told you you couldn't do it

Your inner demon is the part of your inner world where doubt, fear, criticism and vulnerability live. The inner demon demands that you stop, go back, or hide in your comfort zone, rather than risking success.

You can notice the inner demon is working overtime when:
- Your energy towards a project slumps - "Oh, wait, I'm not sure this cake's as good as the one I made in training."
- You ignore all the positives and focus on the negatives- "No, no, no, it's no good, they won't like this at all."
- You treat yourself and the situation too seriously - "For goodness sake, you're useless, can't you even do a simple cake?"
- You relate the current situation to all the other times you've gone wrong - "You're screwing this up, just like everything else."
- You make up rules about your behaviour based on this instance - "How can you expect to make this into a business if you can't do one simple thing?"
- And finally, you end up stopping, or restricting your activity - "I told you you couldn't do it"

The same pattern can hold true for any number of situations. But once you've noticed those demons and vampires, how do you battle them so that you can get on with what you were trying to do?

1) Check the logic of the inner demon

Inner demons only hold power when we know them to be true. Byron Katie has developed a highly effective method of questioning your thoughts, which applies to public speaking saboteurs. Take the saboteur’s thought – for example, “I'm a failure” – and ask yourself “Can I be 100% sure this is true?” The answer can be either yes, or no. Unless you can prove to yourself 100% that you are not an interesting speaker (or whatever message it is that your saboteur is giving you), you will have to say “No.” In this way, you begin to discredit your saboteur because it is no longer true in all situations.

2) Find replacement thoughts

Now that this saboteur’s thought has been discredited, you’ll want to find a more accurate thought to put in its place. Try substituting “I'm a failure” with thoughts that are:

Positive: what we tell ourselves becomes true, so we may as well tell ourselves positive things. Try substituting “I'm a failure” with “I have great ideas” or “I made a wonderful cake last week for Rachel”. Find a thought that’s positive and feels authentic.

Specific for negatives and general for positives: It can be useful to admit a mistake you made to learn from it in future. But don’t generalise this negative thought to yourself as a person. Keep any negative thoughts on the present time and situation, so you can see they aren’t universal truths. Substitute, “I’m a failure” for “This time, I left the cake in the oven for a little too long”. When you use replacement thoughts that are positive, then you can use general statements about who you are as a person or speaker: “I am a good business person,” or “I am enthusiastic about making cakes”.

In your control: Base your thoughts around things that you are able to influence, rather than things that are out of your control. Your attitude towards your work is in control. The reaction of others, unforeseen circumstances and mistakes are out of your control. Try replacement thoughts such as “I will be happy with whatever I manage,” or “I will like myself whatever happens”.

3) Say ‘thanks and goodbye’ to the inner demon

Now that you have a replacement thought, you no longer need your inner demon’s advice. Yet, the inner demon will often pop up when you least expect it to offer an unhelpful message. To kick him out once and for all, keep saying 'thanks and goodbye' every time he shows up. It will take patience and time.

Further reading

See Part 1: Building a Magnetic Future

Part 2: Getting off those sticky floorboards

Video Blog: How to be more motivated

-----------

This article is a snippet of the Ginger Training & Coaching Staying Motivated programme for organisations. It's already worked well for groups of lawyers and accountants, so it will work for many more groups. Please email biscuits@go-ginger.com or call 0207 3888 645 if you think your organisation would benefit from Staying Motivated.

------------

Video Blog: Get more balance in life

Desperate to find more balance in a world of competing priorities? See this bitesized video to see how it's possible:


Made by Videojug: click here for more similar videos

Video Blog: How to deal with difficult people

Struggling with someone at work or in your home life? Here are some tips that will help you change the way you relate to people.


Made by Videojug - click here for more similar videos

Video Blog: How to Enjoy your Job

One of my favourite sayings is "do a job you love and you never work a day in your life." Here's how to love your job, so that you never have to work again!


Made by Videojug - click here for more similar videos

Staying Motivated Part Two: Getting off those Sticky Floorboards

In a previous article we investigated the power of building a magnetic future in getting yourself motivated. If you know which mountain you want to climb, and can really see, taste and feel what it's like to get to the top, then you'll plough through difficulties to get there.

But what if you just can't get started? If you know where you want to go, but your magnetic future isn't pulling you anywhere. If that's so, it looks like you have a tricky case of Sticky Floorboards - you're glued to the spot, expecting to get started any second, but never quite managing it. Sir, Madam, it looks like you need to call in the experts.

Sticky floorboards are perfectly normal and can show up in any situation from 'meaning to tell that colleague how rude they're being,' to 'meaning to quit my terrible job and do something I actually like.' But, without moving, you're going to stay in exactly the same place. Let me share with you three remedies for Sticky Floorboard syndrome.
1) Put aside expectations of how you should behave.
One of the top reasons for staying stuck to your floorboards is old ideas of how you're supposed to act, think and speak. We shape so much of our lives around what other people tell is is sensible and how we think other people would like us to act. This can paralyse you from seeing different ways of doing things. These are old ideas that may have served you until now, but if you want to move towards the summit of your mountain, you will need new ways of doing things.

Ask yourself: in which parts of my life does the fear of how I should behave keep me stuck? Look for hidden beliefs you hold, like "I want people to like me" or "A secure job and a pension is more important than my immediate happiness." And when you've identified your beliefs of how you should behave, get beyond your sticky floorboards by asking yourself this critical question....

"What would I do if I didn't have to be normal?"

The answer to this question is the key to you taking ownership of your own next steps, rather than relying on the advice or opinions of others. This is about giving yourself permission to act differently.

2) Make it Delightful!
If permission to act differently isn't your problem, it could be that you're stuck because you lack the energy to get going. If climbing your mountain makes you feel a bit flat, remedy 2 is the one for you. To scale any mountain you need to feel fully pumped with energy and committed to charging forwards. This is much, much easier if the next thing you're going to do sounds delightful to you.

SARK's Wheel of Delight is a specially - built tool to help people get moving when they want to make something happen in their life. I recommend you read this article to get to grips with this simple and delightful technique: Happiness Exercise 4: The Wheel of Delight.

3) Drop Mr & Mrs Logical
If we think too much, we can 'logic' ourselves into the fear of taking a next step. Let's take a look at Imaginary Dave who's are afraid of public speaking. The more Imaginary Dave thinks about doing a talk in public, the more he sees what can go wrong. He'll forget his words, he won't be able to answer a question, he'll boring people, he'll trip up on a power cable.... the list of potential pitfalls is endless. Soon, he's investigated so many negative scenarios that failure becomes the only possible option.

What's more, Imaginary Dave thinks he's being logical throughout this process, so he convinces himself it's not possible for him to speak in public. Fact. Whereas, if he just got up and did it, he'd see that he can do it.

Dropping Mr & Mrs Logical is about stopping the thoughts that stick us to the floorboards and just get moving. Simple as that - one foot in front of the other. Because, as we all know, if you never do anything, nothing ever gets done. So... Give yourself permission to do something different, make it delightful and just do it!

Good luck!


Further Reading
See Part 1: Building a Magnetic Future
Part 3. Vanquishing Vampires and Ducking Demons
Video Blog: How to be more motivated

-----------

This article is a snippet of the Ginger Training & Coaching Staying Motivated programme for organisations. It's already worked well for groups of lawyers and accountants, so it will work for many more groups. Please email biscuits@go-ginger.com or call 0207 3888 645 if you think your organisation would benefit from Staying Motivated.

------------

Happiness Exercise 4: The Wheel of Delight

We all have those things we never get to in life - whether it's clearing out the cupboard, going to the opticians, or actually changing jobs, like you've been meaning to for 7 years. So long as you're not doing those things, there's something that feels sticky and unfinished in your life.

If you're anything 80% of the population, you're the perfect combination of a Procrastinator and a Perfectionist - which means that if you're trying to get something done the Perfectionist tells you "yes, but that's not quite good enough" and your Procrastinator tells you, "Oh well then, maybe I'll do it better later on..."

Author, muse and inspirational speaker - SARK has developed this fantastically fun tool - The "Micro-movement Wheel of Delight" to help all of us Procrastinator-Perfectionists get things done.

What's it good for?
The biggest reason why we don't get stuff done is that we don't really like the sound of doing it. As SARK puts it, it's not delightful enough. The Micro-movement Wheel of Delight is a wonderful tool for bringing enthusiasm into otherwise difficult or dull tasks.

The other reason why we don't get stuff done is because we we don't start. The Micro-movement Wheel of Delight is a perfect tool to solve this, by starting with the basic assumption that we can do anything for 5 minutes. Anything beyond that, who knows? But 5 minutes should be fine, right?

How to do it
So, let's get started. Don't worry, this will only take 5 minutes, so you can start right now.
1) Draw yourself a doughnut like circle in the middle of a page - with eight segments.

2) In the centre of the doughnut, write the thing that you would like to have happen in your life.
Rule number 1: It must be delightful.
If the thing you'd like to have happen is "Tidy my house" - it's clearly not going to happen, because you've developed a reaction to the word 'tidy' that means you see it as something negative. "Tidy my house" focuses on what you want to avoid (the stick), not on what you want to have (the carrot). Instead, why not change your house into "a beautiful palace of calm" or "a gorgeous love pad?" The sillier and the more delightful the better! How much more likely are you to succeed if you're heading towards something that makes you feel delight?
For me, "Tidy my desk" turned into "Create an Office Goodies Temple"
3) In each of the 8 segments, write a micro-movement - a small task that you can do in 5 minutes to help you towards your delightful aim.
Remember rule number 1 - It must be delightful. This is not just a to-do list exercise. Every single segment should delight you. For example, I decided one of my micro-movements needed to be to buy a new stapler. Instead of "Buy new stapler" (snore), my micro-movement became "New luxury stapler shopping adventure." (mmm... James Bond!)

4) Remember rule number 1 - It must be delightful. So, make your Wheel of Delight into whatever is delightful for you. I used colours and doodles to give mine a delightful feeling for me. If it delights you to only fill out one of the segments at a time, that's perfect. And don't think you need to achieve your delightful aim in just 8 steps - these are just the first eight steps to go for. Once you're finished with this Wheel of Delight, make your next one!

www.go-ginger.com

Happiness Exercise 3: The Appreciation Game
Happiness Exercise 2: The Not-to-do List
Happiness Exercise 1: The "I Like" Page

Video Blog: How to keep your relationship fresh & exciting

Are you stuck in a relationship rut. As my boyfriend Lukasz and I share our second anniversary, I thought I'd share a couple of our favourite tips for keeping your relationship fresh. Enjoy!


Made by Videojug - click here for more similar videos

Video Blog: How to improve your interpersonal skills

From the Ginger Public Speaking with Wings Programme:

Made by Videojug - click here for more similar videos

Video Blog: How to Find Your Dream Job

Made by Video Jug - Click here for further similar videos

This video is part of the Ginger Career Shifter programme. If you would like to get out of a rut in the workplace get in touch.

Video Blog: How To Be More Motivated

Made by Video Jug - Personal Development: How To Be More Motivated

This video is a quick intro to the Staying Motivated Programme from Ginger Training & Coaching. For more info, head over to: www.go-ginger.com

Staying Motivated Part One - Building a Magnetic Future

The nights are closing in and with more economic gloom looming, it's easy to find yourself sliding down the slippery slope of demotivation. "What's the point?" "Why bother?" and "Ugh, if I have to..." might be phrases you find yourself uttering from time to time. But when there are so many exciting things to do and achieve in the world, we don't want pesky demotivation to get in the way, do we? Here's the Ginger take on how to keep yourself trim, sharp and motivated.

Part 1: Build a Magnetic Future
Have you ever heard of a walker who accidentally one day stumbled to the top of Everest? Just taking a stroll and "Whoops - what a lovely view"? Me neither. Likewise, if you don't know what your own mountain peak is, the chances are you'll wander round in the foothills without ever reaching the summit. Yet, as soon as you know which mountain you're aiming for, you can start to prepare your ascent.

Building a Magnetic Future means having a strong, detailed and compelling idea of what you want from life. Figure out what your really want and you'll find a deep connection to what keeps you going- otherwise known as your motivation. When something has to happen in your life because you want it so much, it has become a Magnetic Future.

Most of us at some point in life have experienced the pull of a Magnetic Future. You may call it being 'On Purpose,' 'At the top of my game,' or just 'Having a really nice time.' It's the feeling that nothing can get in the way of what has to happen - what's going to happen, because we believe in it so much. So how do you build a Magnetic Future?

1. Start from the end, not the beginning
Forget about what's 'possible' for a moment and think of what you would like to do in your life if you had no constraints. No money issues, no people issues, no place issues, no time issues. What would you like to do in your life? Fill a page of A4 with ideas, words, drawings, images.

2. Find the magnetic force
Take a look at your A4 sheet of paper and see which are the parts of it that really stand out to you. Which are the words or ideas that make you tingle with excitement - and possibly even nerves? If there's nothing on the list that makes you feel that way, go back to your sheet of A4 and think "what could I do in my life that would be outrageous?"

The parts of your paper that stand out to you are the magnet. This will be your driving force to keep you motivated.

3. Turn up the power
Now, ask yourself what would would be different if your magnetic words or ideas became a reality? What would your world look like? How would you behave? What would you achieve? What and who would you interact with? What would you be doing and how would you be doing it?

What would all of this make possible on a broader scale?

What you're doing here is to actually start creating your magnetic future. If you're on the right track, you'll already feel that exciting, motivational pull that shows the magnet is starting to work. Work more on this and you'll hit upon a compelling vision of your future that has to happen. When you really hit that, you'll be unstoppable.

For some people questions like this get their juices flowing instantly, whilst for others they need a different style. That's why I coach people 1-2-1 through processes like this. If you're interested in this technique, but need a helping hand, stop by the Ginger coaching page to find out more about what it involves.

Staying Motivated is not only about building a Magnetic Future - it also has two further steps I call:

Part 2. Getting off those Sticky Floorboards
Part 3. Vanquishing Vampires and Ducking Demons

-----------

This article is a snippet of the Ginger Training & Coaching Staying Motivated programme for organisations. It's already worked well for groups of lawyers and accountants, so it will work for many more groups. Please email biscuits@go-ginger.com or call 0207 3888 645 if you think your organisation would benefit from Staying Motivated.

------------

Further reading:
How Dreams learn to Fly
Give yourself authority to dream.
What's your point? Focus & One-pointedness in action

Happiness Exercise 3: The Appreciation Game

Here's a nifty little game to put the sparkle back into a close relationship - whether it's a romantic relationship, a friendship or a tight-knit professional relationship- The Appreciation Game.

What's it good for?
This game is perfect for any relationship where you're a bit tired with the dynamic. Perhaps arguments continually creep in, or perhaps you just feel flat, bored or dulled by what you do together. The Appreciation Game is a great way of zapping confidence, liveliness, humour and a renewed sense of friendship into the relationship, as well as... well, having a greater sense of appreciation for that person.

It's great fun, it works and you'll learn something about yourself along the way!

How to do it
Put aside your regular tasks, mundane goings on and usual way of thinking about this person and find yourself a place where both of you feel relaxed. If you're at home, go out - if you're at work, find a nice cafe or park to go to somewhere nearby. Sit down, look each other in the eye and begin.

The Appreciation Game is exactly what you might expect - each person appreciating the other. Start by one person giving the other just one thing that they appreciate them for. If it's difficult, start with something non-personal, like "I appreciate you for always wearing nice shoes" (don't worry, the appreciations will get better).

Then the other person responds with an appreciation and so you go on. Your appreciation can be absolutely anything- small or large; past, present or future. There are three rules:

1) It must be an authentic appreciation (Never an underhand way of criticising the other person. Not that you would...)
2) No volleying: you're not allowed to tell the other person "Awww... you too" to their appreciation. That would be lazy. Think up your own appreciation.
3) The only response to the appreciation you're allowed is "Thank you." No "Yes, but I didn't..." or "You're only saying that because..." Swallow your appreciation without wriggling around it.

That's it - simple!

Enjoy, and let me know how it goes...

Further reading:
Happiness Exercise 1: The "I like" page
Happiness Exercise 2: The "Not-to-do List"
Happiness Exercise 4: The Wheel of Delight

Happiness: The only way is up!

Welcome back to Ginger School after the summer holidays. I hope you have your new pencil case and sharpened pencils at the ready. I've just got back from a few weeks traveling around Europe with a bus full of Buddhists, so this time I'd like to share with you what we can use in daily life from the Buddhist take on happiness.

If you're anything like me, you'll know that life has its ups and downs. There are moments when you feel that everything's great, that you're invincible, that things couldn't be better. And then, (often the next day) there are those slumps when nothings seems to be right. Buddhism is all about progressing towards lasting happiness, or 'enlightenment' as Buddhists put it. It's the state where we have realised our true, perfect nature (this is 'Buddhahood') and no longer experience the highs and lows of every day existence (known as 'samsara').

These ideas have deeply influenced me with my work at Ginger, where it's inspiring to see my clients take steps towards a more fulfilling lifestyle every day. Buddhism often seems confusing to the beginner because there are so many different teachings - that's no surprise when you hear that the historical Buddha Shakyamuni gave 84,000 teachings over the course of 45 years. I'm not sure you'll stick with me all the way to five figures, so I'll chop it down to three points. There are three levels of Buddhism and three different perspectives you can use to look at happiness:

1. Happiness is based on cause and effect

The "Small Way" of Buddhism focuses on karma, which means 'cause and effect' (not, as it's sometimes thought of as fate- with karma we are in complete control of our future). Simply put, good choices of actions bring results that will make you feel good and bad choices of actions bring the reverse. We've all heard that "What goes around, comes around" and Buddhism says that this is true. If you plant a rose seed, you'll get a rose bush, not a cactus. My profession actually relies on the law of karma, because if karma wasn't true, we wouldn't be able to change our lives - it would just be random.

So, how can you use the law of karma to increase our happiness levels?
- First of all, identify an area of your life where you frequently suffer ups and downs.
- Now, go habit hunting. Try to identify what your habitual reactions are to similar situations that result in you feeling bad afterwards and create a causality chain,

e.g: I do really well in an assignment:

1. I feel great and decide go socialising.
2. I'm on top of the world with all my friends, drinking and being merry.
3. Along the way I lose control a touch and say something insensitive to a friend.
4. The next morning I remember the comment, but feel too exhausted to apologize.
5. Some weeks later I've forgotten about the comment, but my friend was hurt by it. The next time I have something to celebrate, she decides to make other plans.
   ...and so on.

- Once you've figured out your causality chain, try to act differently next time, to bring a more positive result.
- It's sometimes very difficult to identify the causality in a situation, because many complex previous actions come into play. Here, the most useful thought to contribute to your happiness is "Steer towards what I know is right and it will be good for me in the long-run."

2. Happiness comes from focusing on others

The "Great Way" of Buddhism emphasizes compassion for others. It teaches that we are just one person and the others are countless more; that if we focus on ourselves we only see problems, but that if we focus on the others, we have helpful things to do for them.

How can you put this into practice?
- In those moments where you feel down, the worst thing you can do is to indulge that feeling. Accept that it's natural to feel down sometimes and look for someone else who needs help. By removing the focus from yourself, you'll automatically shoot back up the happiness line.
- Generosity is one of the best tools to help you focus on others. What we give to others has this wonderful tendency of coming back to us two or three fold. So, nominate one day a week as Generosity Day. See what you can do for others- from letting him onto the bus first, to giving away a cake you've been craving, to washing all the dishes. Crucially, expect nothing in return, or you're still focusing on yourself over others. If you need inspiration, take an example from the gorgeous film "Amelie" - where a naive young french woman decides to do good deeds for others. If you prefer to cope with a gentle amount of American cheese, "Pay it Forward" also holds a similar message.
- Work on listening in a situation where you would usually dominate the conversation, or be thinking of something else. Remember that we are built with two ears and just one mouth! Listening is a great way to say to someone that we are placing more importance on them than ourselves.

3. We already have everything we need for perfect happiness

The third level of Buddhism is the "Diamond Way." This level teaches that we are already equipped with everything we need to be completely happy. That everything we experience is the radiant expression of lasting happiness, or enlightenment - only we don't always see it. On this level, the world is a pure land and all beings have the capacity for enlightenment. Pleasure is to be enjoyed with a sense of freedom and spontaneity and difficulties are to be learned from.

This level is both the simplest to learn and the most difficult to understand. As such I wouldn't claim to be able to pass on information about it that's anything more than my approximate understanding. But, there are some very useful applications of this view of the world which is known as the 'pure view':

- If the world outside is already a pure land, then we can't look for a solution for our own happiness by changing outside conditions. The idea that happiness comes from within oneself has the potential to profoundly change your life as it means taking responsibility rather than making excuses.
- Next time you experience something great, enjoy the experience without guilt, without trying to keep it and without expecting it to be this or that.
- Next time the inevitable difficulty pops up, try to see it as separate from your happiness- that, given time, it will pass. By deeply understanding these last two points, we can learn to lessen out the troughs and increase the peaks of our happiness.

I am by no means an expert in this subject matter - My aim here is to share a few thoughts about Buddhist methods. If you're interested in receiving expert instruction, I'd thoroughly recommend you visit one of the Space For Mind Buddhism talks between 14th-22nd September in London at SOAS/ University of London - some of which are free of charge.

Related articles:
How dreams learn to fly
What's your point? - Focus & one-pointedness
Awareness- the first tool to outstanding public speaking
A word from your saboteur...

Happiness Exercise 2: The "Not-to-do-list"

This is part two in a series of bitesized exercises to help you boost your ability to create positive change in your life.

If you're anything like me, you'll find that To-Do lists aren't always effective. That's because other habits get in the way and procrastinate or alter the To-Do list on the way, or find that it wasn't realistic in the first place. Most of the clients I work with are aware that they have habits that limit their ability 'To-Do', but are unwilling, or unable to drop them. The "Not-to-do-list" is a simple way to clear away the clutter of those little tendencies that we really should drop.

How to do it
Bring out your latest To-Do list and have a good long look at it. Think about all the things that typically get in the way of you completing your tasks: from a 'friendly conversation' with a colleague, to emailing someone rather than picking up the phone, to the all-consuming inbox checks. This is your Not-To-Do-List. Start off by focusing on 2 or three Not-To-Dos for a few days, until you've mastered them, then gradually add more.

What's it good for?
Wouldn't it be better if you could get done what you want to get down without it seeming like much effort? When we do our "Not-To-Dos," things tend to drag out and feel laboured. This is a simple and effective method for making more time for you to focus on the things that really matter. By streamlining your actions, you'll feel positive benefits in reducing stress and increasing your confidence in your own abilities.

Further reading:
Happiness Exercise 1: The "I like" page
What's your point? - Focus & one-pointedness

What they say about you

It's difficult to go even a few hours without judging others, for better or for worse. In fact, we often see it as a useful way of ordering people when we meet them. In its crudest form, judging is a tool to show us who to push away and who to pull closer. But what does your reaction to them say about you? Read on to share a revelation that changed my life.

On today's pre-work stroll around the block, I passed a tall vicar walking on his own in the sunshine. He struck me as purposeful and assertive. My snap reaction was subtle, but distinct. "Look at him in his black robes," I snarled to myself. And then, in a connection that was completely apparent to me in that moment (for, what else would black robes mean?)- "Who does he think he is? He must be completely proud." I walked passed, being careful not to make eye contact and feeling smug that I don't suffer from pride like him.

My second reaction was more like "ahah!" because I realised I had fallen into a trap. It reminded me to apply an important concept I share with a lot of my clients:

What we see in others says nothing about them and everything about us.

When we judge others, we're not judging them, not really. How could we, when we often have no information about them? In the instance of my vicar - a complete stranger- I was reacting to something that I assumed about him that resonated with something inside me. It wasn't his pride I was picking up on, it was my own.

Check it out for yourself - why else could it be that some people really annoy you, when others around find the same person perfectly good company? No matter how much of a pain an individual may be, there's always someone who can see good in them.

Be careful, this could change your life. Because now, when you get frustrated at someone for being a control freak, you can instead investigate the way in which you're being a control freak at that moment. If you see someone as hogging a conversation, could it grate on you because there's a side of you who wants to be the one talking?

It's time to ask yourself a tough question: What does your idea of 'them' say about you? So you've always felt that your parents don't listen to you- when did you last give them a really good listening to? Is that senior person in your organisation intimidating you, or is it your insecurity that you need to deal with? Should the person with the loud laugh on the bus really shut up, or do you have something to understand and let out?

Putting it into action
1. Think of someone, or a group of people who you find frustrating. Write a list of all of the judgements you make about them. Don't hold back.
2. Take a good look at that list and circle all the ones you could possibly take responsibility for.
3. Absorb responsibility for these judgements. Notice the shift in your behaviour that happens if you then see them as your qualities, or your discomforts, rather than blaming the other person. Interesting?
4. Now take a look at any of the list that weren't circled. These are the judgements that probably cause you the reaction "No way. That's definitely her, not me." Fair enough, that might be part of the truth. And I also know from experience that the strongest adverse reaction in this exercise is often the one that is closest to your real behaviour. For the sake of argument, take this judgement upon yourself and accept, just for a few moments, that it's true. What is true about it? If you wrote "What frustrates me is that she's too old" and you're in your early twenties and feeling, it's clear that it's not being too old that's your problem. But perhaps you have a problem with the idea of getting old, or perhaps you're secretly uncomfortable about being too young. Investigate it.
5. Keep aware of your judgements and next time you judge a passing vicar, use it as a chance to learn something about yourself.


Sarah Lloyd-Hughes is a Life Coach whose techniques are influenced by Tibetan Buddhism. She specialises in helping people on their journey towards sustainable happiness. See here for more detail.

Further articles
Find out more about how coaching answers the tough questions
Happiness Exercise 1 : The "I Like" Page
A word from your saboteur
How dreams learn to fly

Happiness Exercise 1: The "I like" page

Welcome to the first in a series of bite sized exercises to help you boost your ability to create positive change in your life.

I'd like to share with you one of my favourite techniques for making mental habits more positive - the "I Like" page. Simply take a sheet of paper, write "I Like" in the middle of it and fill the page with all the good things you notice over the course of the day - from the mundane to the majestic.

How to do it
The technique is as simple as it sounds, but it may take a little practice to get moving, especially when you're staring at a blank page. The trick is to include anything you like, starting from the things you can physically see around you. If you're still struggling, take a walk and look around you at nature, or think of the little moments in life that give you pleasure.

What's it good for?
Whenever I need a boost in positivity, I whip out an "I Like" page. Just focusing on positive things around you increases your capacity to do get things done, because the mind works more incisively when its energy isn't spread across different worries and concerns. From a positive mindset, obstacles generally seem less significant and therefore easier to overcome - test this to see if it's right for you.

Secondly, an "I Like" page can distract from a big, sticky problem that won't seem to go away. Simply removing yourself from that 'stuck' perspective for a few minutes is often enough to find a different, more positive way to progress. How can you worry when your mind is on crusty bread, or barefoot on grass?

Thirdly, the technique works on your creativity and even humour, by encouraging you to recognise every little thing that makes you feel positive. For example, as I was writing this page I heard a child's laughter on a nearby table. Looking up, I realised it was an old lady with a big grin - wonderful!

Fourthly, using this technique over time builds mental resilience and contributes to general happiness. In conditioning yourself to notice the good in every situation, rather than the bad, you will start to find yourself thinking and acting more positively. Would you rather be surrounded by a world of average, dull things, people and ideas, or one that is creative, alive and exciting?

I do love a good "I like" page - so much that the technique in itself will probably make it onto my next "I Like" page. I'd love to see how it works for you- please give it a shot and post a comment.

Happiness Exercise 4: The Wheel of Delight
Happiness Exercise 3: The Appreciation Game
Happiness Exercise 2: The Not-to-do List

A word from your saboteur...

Ever felt like whatever you do, you can't quite seem to motivate yourself? If so, the chances are you're hosting a saboteur - a negative pattern of thought that leads to negative patterns of behaviour. Let's investigate...

Meet Jeremy...
Jeremy, pictured right, is the personification of my very own saboteur. He has pale, blueish skin and a thin voice in my head that whines at me that I'm not good enough, strong enough, clever enough, experienced enough. Whenever I feel intimidated, low in energy, or if business is going badly, Jeremy is right there to tell me 'Told you so.' And I feel his effect on a physical level. My shoulders slump, I find problems everywhere I turn and I seek refuge in a coping mechanism like cake. Saboteurs are many and varied, but always have the effect of lowering your energy and moving you away from your goals. They can take two forms;

1. The saboteur who holds you back
Consider the attractive looking person the other side of the bar. You're feeling pretty positive and are about to make a move. Then. Out comes the saboteur to remind you... you're not wearing the right clothes, you don't know what to say, s/he might think you're strange/ too forward/ not intelligent enough. Instead, you turn back and hunch your shoulders around your drink You hate the saboteur for it, you wish you were stronger, but the result is there. Too much thinking and your saboteur has talked you out of it.

2. The saboteur who makes you lazy
Even more tricky is the saboteur who keeps you 'stuck' and you don't even notice. This is a voice that's subtle and deep rooted. It encourages you not to bother, or not to look for new solutions - 'It's easier to stay how you are' or 'stick to what you're good at.' It tells you that you're too old / busy / experienced to change and that you couldn't even begin to learn to paint / dance / speak in public. This is the voice that thinks it knows what we're capable of. And it's the voice that keeps us firmly kept in our comfort zone, doing the same things as we've always done.

How to tackle your saboteur?
1. The first step is to become aware that a saboteur is present. In your daily activity, start to notice the energy levels in your body and the language that's knocking around in your head. Watch out for slumped body language and a feeling of being squashed, restricted or pushed down. Listen out for thoughts or words like "I should..." or "I have to..." or "I'm supposed to..." coming out of you, which are all signs that you're acting out of obligation, rather than choice. This is the environment a saboteur likes to create for themselves, as they feed from insecurities.

2. Once you think you've found a saboteur, it's time to investigate it. Shine a strong light on many saboteurs and you realise they were just like a little dog with a big bark. By inviting the negative part of your mindset a chance to air its frustrations and concerns, you can get some distance to those thoughts, rather than risk being controlled by them in a moment when you can do little else. As those thoughts come out, we often see how unreasonable and unnecessary they are.

3. Now that you're starting to know more about your saboteur, you can study the triggers for them showing up. What leads you into this pattern of thought and what can you do next time to stop it from happening?

4. Understanding and visualising an image of your saboteur can help you to undermine it. By having a (frankly ridiculous) image of my own saboteur, I'm able to treat him light-heartedly - like a difficult relative - and say "Oh, that's just Jeremy's way, don't worry about him, he'll be finished soon."

5. Soon you'll learn that you choose which thought processes you put energy into. Do you want to spend time indulging the negative pattern of a saboteur, or would you prefer to let those thoughts pass in favour of something more encouraging and energising?

Related articles
Give yourself authority to dream!
What's your point? - Focus & one-pointedness