Welcome to the first in a series of bite sized exercises to help you boost your ability to create positive change in your life.
I'd like to share with you one of my favourite techniques for making mental habits more positive - the "I Like" page. Simply take a sheet of paper, write "I Like" in the middle of it and fill the page with all the good things you notice over the course of the day - from the mundane to the majestic.
How to do it
The technique is as simple as it sounds, but it may take a little practice to get moving, especially when you're staring at a blank page. The trick is to include anything you like, starting from the things you can physically see around you. If you're still struggling, take a walk and look around you at nature, or think of the little moments in life that give you pleasure.
What's it good for?
Whenever I need a boost in positivity, I whip out an "I Like" page. Just focusing on positive things around you increases your capacity to do get things done, because the mind works more incisively when its energy isn't spread across different worries and concerns. From a positive mindset, obstacles generally seem less significant and therefore easier to overcome - test this to see if it's right for you.
Secondly, an "I Like" page can distract from a big, sticky problem that won't seem to go away. Simply removing yourself from that 'stuck' perspective for a few minutes is often enough to find a different, more positive way to progress. How can you worry when your mind is on crusty bread, or barefoot on grass?
Thirdly, the technique works on your creativity and even humour, by encouraging you to recognise every little thing that makes you feel positive. For example, as I was writing this page I heard a child's laughter on a nearby table. Looking up, I realised it was an old lady with a big grin - wonderful!
Fourthly, using this technique over time builds mental resilience and contributes to general happiness. In conditioning yourself to notice the good in every situation, rather than the bad, you will start to find yourself thinking and acting more positively. Would you rather be surrounded by a world of average, dull things, people and ideas, or one that is creative, alive and exciting?
I do love a good "I like" page - so much that the technique in itself will probably make it onto my next "I Like" page. I'd love to see how it works for you- please give it a shot and post a comment.
Happiness Exercise 4: The Wheel of Delight
Happiness Exercise 3: The Appreciation Game
Happiness Exercise 2: The Not-to-do List
Ever felt like whatever you do, you can't quite seem to motivate yourself? If so, the chances are you're hosting a saboteur - a negative pattern of thought that leads to negative patterns of behaviour. Let's investigate...
Meet Jeremy...
Jeremy, pictured right, is the personification of my very own saboteur. He has pale, blueish skin and a thin voice in my head that whines at me that I'm not good enough, strong enough, clever enough, experienced enough. Whenever I feel intimidated, low in energy, or if business is going badly, Jeremy is right there to tell me 'Told you so.' And I feel his effect on a physical level. My shoulders slump, I find problems everywhere I turn and I seek refuge in a coping mechanism like cake. Saboteurs are many and varied, but always have the effect of lowering your energy and moving you away from your goals. They can take two forms;
1. The saboteur who holds you back
Consider the attractive looking person the other side of the bar. You're feeling pretty positive and are about to make a move. Then. Out comes the saboteur to remind you... you're not wearing the right clothes, you don't know what to say, s/he might think you're strange/ too forward/ not intelligent enough. Instead, you turn back and hunch your shoulders around your drink You hate the saboteur for it, you wish you were stronger, but the result is there. Too much thinking and your saboteur has talked you out of it.
2. The saboteur who makes you lazy
Even more tricky is the saboteur who keeps you 'stuck' and you don't even notice. This is a voice that's subtle and deep rooted. It encourages you not to bother, or not to look for new solutions - 'It's easier to stay how you are' or 'stick to what you're good at.' It tells you that you're too old / busy / experienced to change and that you couldn't even begin to learn to paint / dance / speak in public. This is the voice that thinks it knows what we're capable of. And it's the voice that keeps us firmly kept in our comfort zone, doing the same things as we've always done.
How to tackle your saboteur?
1. The first step is to become aware that a saboteur is present. In your daily activity, start to notice the energy levels in your body and the language that's knocking around in your head. Watch out for slumped body language and a feeling of being squashed, restricted or pushed down. Listen out for thoughts or words like "I should..." or "I have to..." or "I'm supposed to..." coming out of you, which are all signs that you're acting out of obligation, rather than choice. This is the environment a saboteur likes to create for themselves, as they feed from insecurities.
2. Once you think you've found a saboteur, it's time to investigate it. Shine a strong light on many saboteurs and you realise they were just like a little dog with a big bark. By inviting the negative part of your mindset a chance to air its frustrations and concerns, you can get some distance to those thoughts, rather than risk being controlled by them in a moment when you can do little else. As those thoughts come out, we often see how unreasonable and unnecessary they are.
3. Now that you're starting to know more about your saboteur, you can study the triggers for them showing up. What leads you into this pattern of thought and what can you do next time to stop it from happening?
4. Understanding and visualising an image of your saboteur can help you to undermine it. By having a (frankly ridiculous) image of my own saboteur, I'm able to treat him light-heartedly - like a difficult relative - and say "Oh, that's just Jeremy's way, don't worry about him, he'll be finished soon."
5. Soon you'll learn that you choose which thought processes you put energy into. Do you want to spend time indulging the negative pattern of a saboteur, or would you prefer to let those thoughts pass in favour of something more encouraging and energising?
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Whether you're talking about you make pencils or jet them off to illiterate kids in Eritrea, there are some typical things you may say in a presentation to get people to support your work. The more these messages stick in people's minds, the more success you'll have in what you do.
The trouble is, that even those who don't technically fear public speaking, do fear saying something unprofessional. And it's understandable. If speaking in public isn't an environment you swim about in day-to-day, your nerves will be heightened by the task. You already feel pretty silly standing up to talk, your brain then chips in with a resounding 'No!' and there's that voice inside your head dying to tell you how much people are judging you. 'Don't do anything different and for god's sake, be professional.'
This desire to be professional leads to us giving exactly the same presentation as everyone else (you know the one: a powerpoint with four neat bullets down the side and a picture in the right hand corner). If professional is to fit right in with what everyone else is saying - job done. If professional is to be bland, then another job done.
But wait a minute. How many of those 'professional' presentations have you sat through? You probably don't have enough fingers. And how many of them can you remember in any detail? Do you even need any fingers to count those? Speakers who focus on being professional and mild, are in fact doing everyone in the room a disservice. Far from being pleasant and inoffensive to listen to, they are subjecting their audience to a presentation which they won't remember and their organisation is losing ground to organisations where the presenters make their message stick.
So what does it take to make your message stick?
There are three broad areas to consider to make your message stand out. Take a look at each of these below and see which you use and how you could use them differently to engage your audience.
1) Visual aids
How you use your powerpoint, flipchart, props, or physical space to engage, or disengage your audience. Do you ever do a presentation without powerpoint? What if you pre-prepared a flipchart or powerpoint with no words- only pictures and numbers?
2) 'Verbal aids'
The nuggets of gold that come out of your mouth. These could be metaphors, poems, a personal story, a famous example, a joke, quotes, powerful facts, collections of three or buzz phrases to repeat. These all add variety, depth and emotional buy-in to a presentation. They also provide a good opportunity for you to stimulate both the left, logical part of the brain and the right through powerful evidence, emotional part of the brain through rapport-building stories.
3) Interactivity
My personal favourite is to get audiences involved in information as people far & wide learn best by doing. This could be something so simple as a brainstorm, or elaborate like a challenge, quiz, team game, or role play. With any interactivity, make sure that your full energy goes behind the task, so as to motivate others to get involved.
But before you run off and play, remember the "RULE" of memorability. To be successful, any visual, verbal or interactive 'nugget' that you slot into your presentation should be:
R - Relevant
Somewhere along the line, we were told to "start with a joke." This is like saying "Start with something to distract the audience, then you can get into the really boring bit." Any tool that you use should link clearly to your message, rather than pulling away from it.
U - Unusual
The unusual or unexpected often has the effect of tricking the brain out of its stereotypes and leads to the creation of new neural pathways. This means more learning which is retained for a longer period of time.
L - Learning
The best nuggets usually take the audience forwards and teach them something new. Give your audience insight and they'll see you as an expert in your field. Repeating or reiterating key learning points reinforces them.
E - Exciting
It's not to say that you have to have your audience leaping out of their seats with thrills, but a good nugget excites, or stimulates a part of the audience's mind - whether it's their imagination, their motivation, or their logical mind. You're looking to create "ooh" and "ahah!" moments with what you say, show and do.
Stick to these rules and your presentations will start to stick. Next time you do a presentation, pick a new nugget and give it the "RULE" treatment. Give yourself permission to experiment.
For more information on how to progress with your public speaking through a coaching programme please take a peek at Ginger Training & Coaching's public speaking programme.
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How to do it
