Two friends of mine recently entered a competition to with the Ultimate Job in Ireland (and Probably the world) and have just been shortlisted in the top 10 out of hundreds of applications. They're now in with a chance of spending 6 months travelling the world to test out honeymoon venues.
You can see the moment when they found out they got shortlilsted here. What struck me was their willingness to dream this into reality and the effect it had on the outcome. Here's the difference between them and me:
Me - I looked at the website and thought "pfff... I can't make a video and even if I could and did, there's no way I'd win"
Mark & Denise - with vision boards, bundles of dreaming out-loud and a go-getting attitude (including doing a 2k run dressed as bride & groom), they'd already experienced getting into the Top 10. It's like the famous instance when Edmund Hilary, having climbed Everest was asked how it felt. He responded that it was just like every other time he'd climbed it in his dreams.
Giving ourselves the authority to dream actually allows those dreams to become a reality. Mark & Denise (along with Buddhism and The Law of Attraction) showed me that we can literally conjure anything we want into our lives. In fact more than that- that our lives are actually a physical representation of what we dream for.
It's because with a dream we're much more focused on creating an outcome. With a mountain like Everest to climb, you're not going to see the Hillaries of the world lurking around the bottom for too long.
But there's a couple of limiting beliefs that get in the way - otherwise we'd all be living our dreams. Here's a few I've identified:
- To put ourselves out there and say "I want that" publically is to risk failure if we don't get it
- The belief that somehow they would be able to do it because they're that sort of person. Whereas we could never manage it.
- Focusing on other 'serious' parts of life that we've constructed for ourselves in favour of the things we really want to do.
Why, I ask?
I dreamt of running my own training business, and here I am. Now, Mark and Denise have inspired me to ask... What else can I conjure?
Good luck for the finals guys!
Update 10th May 2010:
Of course it hardly came as a surprise, but it was an incredible pleasure to hear that yesterday Mark & Denise actually won the Ultimate Job! Congratulations to them both for their hard work and self-belief that made this possible.
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What's your point? Focus & one-pointedness in action
As he finishes to his last point, Edgar Mumble looks up at the audience. ‘Phew, it’s over,’ he thinks with satisfaction. He half-heartedly asks if anyone has any questions and then, when his offer is met with silence, he scuttles out of the room to a thin ripple of applause.
‘That was pretty alright,’ he tells himself with a relieved sigh, ‘I’ll do the same presentation again next year.’
How many times have you sat through a similar scenario? How many times have you been the speaker with the same attitude? The good news is that it doesn't have to be that way- and the first step in this (and any other) personal development process is to become aware of yourself and your impact on the world. There's no other way to get the distance needed to change your actions?
Awareness starts with a desire to do better, so first you need to want to give a presentation that doesn't just pass for 'okayish.' Just in case you're on the fence, look at those people who you know who entertain and dazzle their audiences. Do you prefer hearing them talk? Do you listen more and remember more about what they say? Chances are you do.
So, have you got the motivation? Good. Now you’ll do well with a framework for analysing yourself. Buddhists, the masters of awareness, identify five different centres in the body. Four of these are relevant for public speaking awareness- our body, speech, mind and qualities. Let's take a look at each in turn:
Body
First, consider your eye contact – do you cover all of the room or do you hold onto a supportive-looking group on the left hand side? Do you have the tenacity to make eye contact with specific people for 1-3 seconds, or do you find yourself inspecting the ceiling because that way you can pretend you have nobody watching you?
Second, look at your gestures. Take your hands away from your ear, the back of your head, your necklace and other undesirable places (we all do it). And stop with the flappy, general and repetitive hand movements. Now you’ve got some space for crafting gestures that tell your story and emphasize the bits you want your audience to remember. Pick gestures that are strong and memorable.
And there’s much more. Consider the way you hold your body, your facial expressions and how you move. You will, of course, be ditching the lectern.
Speech
Look at the way your voice behaves when you talk in public. Once your volume’s not too loud and not too soft, but just right, you can start to use it as a tool for adding drama and tension into what you say. Same goes for an awareness of your gaps, your intonation, your clarity, your energy and so on. Play with your voice and use it to create a story that engages your audience.
Mind
The voices in our mind can play funny tricks on us if we’re unaware on stage. Because we take our nerves seriously we feel that fight-or-flight are the only two serious choices. If we’re aware, we’ll learn that our nerves are energy that can either help, or hinder our performance. That energy can either be labelled 'fear' or 'excitement.' We chose which way it goes.
Qualities
And finally, awareness of your qualities will indicate the kind of presenter you can be at your very finest. Your ‘stage persona’ – be it the Kind Expert, the Competitive Dad the Energiser Bunny, or countless others, will provide you with hooks for creating humour and themes that are natural and dazzling.
To develop your stage persona, start by pondering the ideal persona for your message. Are you challenging, or consensus focused; serious or humorous? Now, look at where you are on each of those spectrums. The gap is your list of points to develop.
If you'd like to learn more about these techniques, join the next Public Speaking with Wings- Your Presenter's Toolkit session - http://www.go-ginger.com/workshops.html. You can also request a free Public Speaking with Wings e-book here which goes into further techniques for becoming a master of public speaking.
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I was pondering my ability to focus this Easter weekend (before I got distracted by a chocolate egg) and reminded myself of what Buddhists call 'one-pointedness'- a state of complete concentration where you are completely on-task, or in-the-moment. Given my own flighty nature when faced with a day of activity in the office, I set about investigating one-pointedness to see how I can find and keep to my own single-point more often.
I asked myself the following questions, which I invite you to ask yourself too...
What does it mean to be many-pointed?
I've always considered myself a great multitasker, so why should I change my ways? First stop, a consideration of my current situation - what effect does being many-pointed have on me? We've all had those days where we set off to get something done, but without much focus. At work, it's that day where there's so much to do you don't know where to start. If you're anything like me, your first step (and third and sixth step) is to check your email. You're heading somewhere, but you don't know where and suddenly 'urgent' emails, phone calls or questions from colleagues are all you can seem to get through. Perhaps it's no surprise that days like that tend to finish in frustration, exhaustion or a feeling of 'peh... what was that?' This is a many-pointed day.
Although I think I love multi-tasking, when I consider how many-pointedness really makes me feel, it's words like stressful, breathless, darting, anxious, pulling, pushing, changing and regretting that spring to mind. It brings the discomforting feeling that I'm not really living up to my best, which only brings more confusion and panic.
How does One-pointedness feel?
Should I take that moment of confusion and panic and myself into a one-pointed mindset, how does that feel? For me words like this come up: space, focus, calm, purpose, simplicity, sensing, timeless, easy, tireless, light, connected, right, effortless, relaxed... and so on. There's a beautiful simplicity and balance that we instinctively know comes with us finding focus.
What does One-pointedness think like?
Let's go deeper into the mind-set of one-pointed focus. If you were Mrs One-Pointed herself, what sort of language would run through your head? For me, it's the following;
- This is the only important thing there is right now
- My task is the right one beyond doubt
- I have everything I need to make this happen
- This will happen with a little patience and calm
How do I get One-pointed?
Buddhism has skillful and long-term methods for training the mind to become focused on a single point. Whilst not attempting to better those fine teachings, I devised a three step process for upping one-pointedness in every day life;
1) CHOOSE
Your first step in becoming one-pointed is in picking one thing to do at a time. It's like picking one cake to eat at a time, rather than shoving in the chocolate eclair with the apple tart, with a chicken sandwich. It seems obvious, but we so often fail to take this crucial step. The important thing here is that you make a conscious choice- rather than getting blown this way or that by emails, twitter, text messages and so on. (Later this month we'll look at what to do if you have to react to your situation rather than choose.)
To get here you may have to spend time considering, planning, researching and analysing without the 'assistance' of your inbox. To stay here, you must also make the firm choice to honour your choice, even if other more attractive offers (read: a better cake) come along whilst you're still chewing.
2) DO
Many people love the planning bit, but then fail on action. I'm a classic example when it comes to selling my products. I spend hours designing a wonderful product, I think through who I'll market it to, how I'll market it and then... get distracted by a new opportunity before I follow it through. An effective "DO" stage is where the one-pointedness happens. It's all about noticing any distracting thoughts, acknowledging them rather than repressing or ignoring them and then letting them pass without influencing you. Expect to be pulled off-task - it will happen. But with every sense and thought, patiently and continually refocus yourself back to what you chose to do.
You'll find techniques to strengthen your DO stage on the way and we'll investigate some of these later in the month.
3) FINISH
Everyone has a limit to their attention span (for adults we focus at our maximum for around 20 minutes), so having an end to your task will ensure that you can set yourself up to succeed. The finish is the bit where you can say to yourself "That's it, completed, finished, end of story" before starting on something else. It's important to congratulate yourself when you get here, no matter how small your victory, as it motivates your subconscious mind to focus again next time you take on a choice. After finishing and congratulating yourself, only now do you critique the process you went through to get there to improve it for next time. This is critical so that that self-doubt doesn't derail your choice during the DO stage.
This month is One-Pointed April, so follow this blog for more in the coming weeks. Please contribute with your questions and comments below.
